Ghosts of the Past
by Seillean
Summary: Set somewhere around the third series for background but totally AU story. Maura has a complex past, when struggling to connect with hers & Jane's daughter she reaches out with her own truth. A story of a second chance at love in the midst of despair. This story will be really angsty with a few twists and turns but Rizzles will happen!
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note; **

**Hi all! This is the first time I have written any fanfiction for quite some time and definitely the first time I've written anything to do with Rizzoli & Isles so please go easy on me. I am in this for the long haul guys, this story will be angsty…..it will be dark…..but please stay with me because by jingo, in the end there shall be Rizzles! In all serious, if you're looking for something fluffy there are some great stories on the board from other writers at the moment but not here I'm afraid. The bulk of this story probably fits in best around series three before we get lumbered with all this nonsense about Casey and random possible pregnancies and weird Maura/Frankie stuff in series four. Rated T for now but that maaaaay possibly change in future chapters.**

**Disclaimer; **

**My bank balance can more than attest to the fact that I do not own Rizzoli & Isles. Nope, not even an inch of one of Maura's stilettos. However, I think we can all agree that if one of us did then the world would be a much happier (read 'rizzle-tastic') world *big sigh*. In the meantime I'm bringing them out to play.**

**Prologue**

**Boston, June 2030**

"AAAAAARRRGGHH"…*clatterthumpthumpthumpclatter*

Jane and Maura Isles-Rizzoli, partners of seventeen years turned to each other with matching raised eyebrows;

"That'll be the door then. Honestly, that kid's driving me crazy! I just don't know what the hell is up with her right now." Jane grunted as she rubbed scarred hands up and down her face. Her long black curls shaking wildly behind her as she did. She was proud that even aged fifty-two now she still only had one or two greys to pull out now and again. Mind you, the way that sixteen year-old of theirs was going she thought she would probably end up with a few more before the teen years were over. The real question was, would her daughter still be alive by then and where could Jane hide the body. Eh, she was still a damn fine homicide detective, she'd figure it out.

Maura raised a palm in her typical peace-making way and turned on her heel with an "I'll go this time".

Jane's look of disbelief turned to concern, the corners of her eyes tightening just ever so slightly as she regarded the woman she had spent the happiest years of her life with; "You sure? I know she's been kinda giving you a bit of a hard time lately."

Maura sighed before responding; "she has but I really need to try to reach her Jane. I know she has always felt closer to you, you're both so alike but she is my daughter too and I….I'm losing her Jane. I just can't seem to connect with her anymore."

Jane could only nod, running a gentle hand soothingly up and down her wife's arm with a hushed 'okay' in that gravelly voice that, even after all these years, still turned Maura's legs to jelly.

Slowly mounting the stairs towards her daughter's bedroom, she wondered how she was ever going to salvage rapidly disintegrating relationship with her daughter. Genetically-speaking Caitlin was just as much an Isles as she was a Rizzoli (IVF was surely a modern miracle that Maura would be forever grateful for) but she had always been Jane's girl. It wasn't that there was no love between the two of them; they just somehow couldn't relate on a fundamental level. It was as though Maura's worst fears were coming to life, she had become her own mother. Ironically it turned out that Constance and Richard Isles were far better suited to being grandparents, something which caused much more pain than Maura would ever admit with trepidation she knocked on her daughter's door.

"I know you're gonna come in anyway Ma so let's just get this over with. Then you can go back and tell Mom you've given me 'the talk'. I know she's sent you up here!" The response may have been muffled by pillows and a thick wooden door but the words still stung.

Maura bit her lip, mentally debating the wisdom of entering the teenager's domain. The door creaked open and Caitlin was more than a little surprised when she felt the bed dip beside her;

"Honey, am I really that much of an ogre?"

The younger Isles-Rizzoli bolted upright; "Mom! No, I…I didn't mean….it's just it's usually Ma that, y'know…comes in here and stuff…" Caitlin scrambled up towards the headboard, curling her knees tight up to her chest, arms coming to wrap themselves protectively around her shins. Maura thought she looked more like a cornered cat. "I'm sorry Mom; I didn't mean anything by that." She trailed off, her head sinking to her knees in preparation for the lecture that was sure to come. Maura, in contrast, couldn't help a stab of guilt at the realisation that this was what their relationship had come to. Instead of lecturing she simply placed a light hand on her daughter's knee;

"Talk to me sweetheart. Please?"

Caitlin lifted her face to that calming voice with something akin to relief but a sense wariness remained as if worried her mother was simply trying to lull her into a false sense of security despite knowing that this same mother had a ridiculous ineptitude for lying. Maura regarded her only child with, aware that it had been a long time since she had had the chance to simply take in those features. Caitlin's eyes were the same deep chocolate colour as Jane's, she had Jane's wild curls, the same attitude, even the same voice yet she had Maura's gentleness. It was only ever in moments like these that she really saw it and the realisation saddened her.

"I don't know what to do Mom." The young girls swallowed and forced herself to take a deep breath. She couldn't remember the last time she actually talked to one of her parents but her mother's gaze was kind and patient. "It was career day at school today and…and I just don't know which way to go…and I got so tangled up…I…I couldn't" _Breathe _she told herself. "I know Ma really wants me to go be a cop just like her and you, well you've never said it but I know you and Grandma want me to go to some fancy college and my friends are all telling me that what I want is stupid and…and…"

It was too much and embarrassed tears began to flow freely down olive-coloured cheeks. Maura put a hand behind Caitlin's shoulder. Yes, she was definitely Jane's daughter;

"Oh my sweet girl, I do remember what it was like, to feel so young and confused about everything," She began, "but you know that your mother and I only wish you to do whatever will make you happy. Yes, we may have dreams for you, every parent wants their child to be a success but you have to do what is right for you and know that we will both be supportive regardless of what that is. That is unless, of course, your dream is to become a mob boss or some kind of criminal mastermind. Although it could become relatively lucrative and the lifestyle attractive in a dangerous and illegal sort of way your Ma would probably end up arresting you, possibly shooting you and oh dear God….I could end up having to perform my own daughter's autopsy and that would just be terrible and…and…I'm babbling again, aren't I?"

The young brunette gave a nervous giggle at the hands that were now gripping her shoulders tightly and the flush that had risen to her mother's cheeks; "Yes Mom, you are and don't worry, I'm not planning of being the next Al Capone!"

Maura had never been very good at making Caitlin laugh, that had always been Jane's department but she was glad she had managed something to lighten the mood. After going back over their exchange in her head peered curiously at her daughter; "So what is it that you want to do and why do your friends think it is such a bad idea?"

Caitlin took another deep breath, _well, here goes nothin'_, "Well Mom, I, I want to _goinfmitary"_

"Care to try that again?" Maura retorted, amusement crinkling the tiny crows' feet at the corners of her eyes, the one concession to growing older her face had allowed.

"Iwantogointothemilitary….Mom…" For the second time in the evening Caitlin's forehead had dropped onto her knees. "An' I don't know what to do! I know you and Ma will hate the idea but it's what I want. All my friends think I'm crazy and Mike says he'll dump me if I go for it. I'll lose everything and I don't know how to keep everyone happy!"

She could feel the teenager was close to tears again but all Maura could do was swallow hard against the lump that was beginning to form in the middle of her throat and hold her beautiful girl to her chest, rocking her ever so slightly, the same way she had when Caitlin was little. She leaned back, easing off the bed with a delicate grace before holding her hand out, reaching forward with a small reassuring smile in the face of her daughter's pleading look. Perhaps there was something that would help;

"Come with me darling, there is something I need to tell you. Something I think you need to hear."

Shyly, Caitlin uncurled her body and allowed Maura to lead her into her parent's bedroom, plopping down onto the edge of the giant bed with huff. _Honestly, why did they need such a huge bed? That was just gross at *their* age. _She watched over her shoulder with ill-conceived impatience as her mother dragged an old tin footlocker out from the bottom of the wardrobe round to where the young girl was sitting. Kneeling down beside the great grey chest, the older woman traced her fingertips lightly over the cool metal. Caitlin couldn't contain herself for long, a trait she inherited from her Rizzoli family and drove her parents and grandparents to distraction;

"That's the box you always told me I couldn't touch when I was a kid. Every time I went near it Ma'd yell at me!" Her pupils grew saucers as she stared in wonder. Sixteen years of mystery had been tied up in that box. It was the only thing in the house she had never been allowed to touch; the fact of which naturally meant that the young Caitlin had to at least attempt such a feat at every given opportunity, getting caught red-handed each time.

"Yes, I know," Maura began with a good-humoured inflection, "you remember the story your mother and I told you about how we met?"

"Yeah, yeah, you guys met at work, fell in love, blah, blah, happy ending!" _I heard that story a hundred times over as a kid! _She thought dismally, leaning back onto her elbows, _I actually thought this might have been getting interesting! _But then something on the trunk caught her eye. It was odd really, this was the first time she had ever noticed it in all these years. There were some sort of strange military markings etched onto the surface. Wait…

"Is this something to do with Uncle Casey?" She asked with no little unease. She liked the guy enough she supposed but she also remembered far too many arguments during her childhood about him constantly sniffing around her Ma.

Maura smiled, more to herself than the girl perched eagerly on the edge of her bed, stroking the tin-plate case with an almost reverential touch. A thousand memories she had tried so hard to suppress came flooding back and her voice when she finally did answer was little more than a whisper;

"No sweet girl, this is nothing to do with Casey. The story we told you when you were young was the simple version. The truth is…a little more complex." She glanced up at her daughter speculatively, "do you remember when you were about eight and you kept asking us why we chose the name Caitlin? You kept on at us for weeks because you couldn't accept that we just picked the name out of a book" At the girl's nod she looked down once more and with a bit of effort lifted the tin lid. "Well, you were right…"

Caitlin quickly scooted down beside the trunk, all of her childhood curiosities had been wrapped up in this one beaten-up old box and she was damned if she was going to miss anything. The metal gave a great screeching noise, as if angry at being disturbed from its rest. The tin smelled musty, not in a horrible way. It was like all those ancient books Grandpa Isles kept in his library. Maura reached in with delicate hands and lifted out a fragile paper parcel. Caitlin noticed her mother's fingers trembling as she handed her the creamy coloured package. She took it, trying desperately to control her fervour. Carefully unwrapping the tissue paper, what fell into her lap was a military cap, deep blue with a red band around the middle and red piping over the peak, the black visor still gleaming proudly under the low evening sun that beamed brilliantly through the bedroom windows. There was a badge on the front that she didn't recognise and gave her mother a confused look. Over the past year, since deciding she wanted a career in the services she had taken a pride in memorising every unit insignia and marking in the US military. This one had some kind of rose with two leaves and a crown on top.

"It's the British Army Intelligence Corps" said Maura's soft voice, interrupting her musings. "Here, take a look at this" and she handed Caitlin a very professional looking portrait photograph of a woman in an unfamiliar uniform, deep blue like the cap. The woman was gorgeous, in a rugged kind of a way. Despite her obvious youth in the picture she had a definite character in her features, staring straight down the camera with sparkling eyes, almost challenging. Caitlin had seen a similar look in her Ma on the rare times she had been allowed to visit the BPD. Jane and Maura had made a decision very early on not to expose their daughter to their jobs too early. They wanted her to remain a kid for as long as possible. At times her innocence and downright naivety had left her the source of some ridicule by other kids at school but in her own way she was grateful. Childhood had seemed to her much more fun than for her peers.

At the bottom of the picture mount was a small plate that said;

_2__nd__ Lieut. C. MacKay WO91126_

_ Intelligence Corps_

Caitlin looked from the photograph to the cap she still held in her other hand then back to her mother. "Mom, how did you…"

Maura raised a finger to her own lips, a small 'shh' escaping her pearly white teeth. "Sweetheart, you were named after the bravest woman I have ever known."

Caitlin's mouth dropped open slightly. "I thought Ma was the bravest woman you'd ever known"

Maura smiled that same sad smile for a moment before immersing her hands into the pile of photographs that covered the floor of the locker, pulling one out from the bottom of the heap. It was a picture of two young women caught mid-laugh with their arms wrapped tightly around the other. One of them was the girl from the army picture and the other had long, luscious honey blonde hair, with bright green/hazel eyes. Both of them hopelessly in love, Caitlin saw, though she couldn't quite make sense of the expression that now clouded her mother's normally clear features.

Maura lifted her face back to her daughter, feelings long-hidden had a sent a single tear tumbling down a still remarkably smooth cheek. "I think it's time I shared this with you."

**So what do we reckon folks? Chapter one is already winging its way to you as you read, hopefully tonight but if not then definitely tomorrow. Worth continuing? **


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note;**

**Hi all, this A/N is going to be just a wee touch longer than I had intended it to be, mainly because there are a couple of points I want to clear up before I continue. Firstly (and most importantly) thanks so much to everyone who has Followed, Favourite-d and Reviewed, really does mean the world to me. Talking of reviews, I knew when I started this story it had the potential to be a tiny tad controversial, however, I have been quite surprised by some of the extensive and slightly 'vehement' messages I've had over the Prologue for this story, most of which I have deleted. I will happily take on board and critique/suggestions. I love the reviews, the fact that you are taking those few minutes to message me with your thoughts is a wonderful gift but please keep it constructive folks. I am not interested in being the target of anyone's rant. This is fanfiction after all and whether you choose to read my work or not is entirely your choice and I absolutely respect. Sadly some readers after going through the Prologue already seemed to have made up their minds about this story and run so far ahead of me that they've jumped a couple of hedges and ended up in another field entirely!**

**That being said, the points that some people seem angry about are ones very easily cleared up thankfully;**

**Jane is nobody's "second choice" in this story. I love Rizzles and never, in my mind, does Jane come second to anyone. This story is very Maura-centric, the rest of it will be played out in flashback. Jane and Maura will get their happy ending. In the Prologue Maura is not unhappy with Jane, she is angry with herself as she believes she has turned into the parent she always feared becoming. They're both frustrated because their daughter is being a typical teenager and driving them both to distraction. Jane and Maura are in-fact still a very loving couple. Perhaps this was just bad writing on my part that it wasn't clearer. **

**This will be a complicated plot. My mind twists and turns like a twisty turny thing! (Blackadder, an infinite source of wisdom!). Hints of Rizzles will be there throughout but Maura has a past and she needs clarity to see what is right in front of her and to be able to accept it. To do this, she's going to have to go on a bit of a rollercoaster. I can't go giving my plot away but think of it this way; someone could be the happiest person in the world. Does that mean they can't look back at their past and shed a tear for the people and events that got them to where they are now? Of course not. That's all Maura was doing in the Prologue. She was sharing something of herself to give her daughter a bit of strength.**

**I hope that has allayed any concerns so if you're still with me now that I've just re-written **_**War & Peace**_** then let's go! Our girls will get there, I promise!**

**Chapter One **

**Boston 17 years earlier**

Jane Rizzoli was not a woman easily intimidated, known to her friends and colleagues as tough, brave and fiercely loyal. Yet here she was, pacing frantically up and down the length of the empty ladies changing rooms of the Boston Police Department rubbing her scarred palms together furiously while mentally giving herself a kick up the backside.

"Maura, you and I have been friends for….like a long time and- No! Right….hey Maura, I was just thinking like, maybe you and I could…..Argh! Okay. Maura, I really think you and I should…..you and I should….WOAH!"

Jane Rizzoli was no longer pacing the ladies changing room of the Boston Police Department. Jane Rizzoli was now flat on her ass on the floor of the ladies changing room of the Boston Police Department. "Dammit!" _Stupid wet floors!_

"Rizzoli! Rizzoli, get your ass out here wherever you are!"

"Great, just when I thought my day couldn't get any better", she muttered, scraping herself up off the dull grey tiled floor. _Crazy ass Cavanaugh! _Groaning, she hobbled her way back to the Bullpen, surprised to see her colleagues all gathered round in a huddle.

"Ah, Jane, about time" Called Lieutenant Cavanaugh over his shoulder; "Listen up everyone, I want to introduce you to the newest member of our team, this is Agent Caitlin MacKay. Now she's only gonna be with us a little while to help out with the Cranston case but do your best to make her feel at home. Alright people, back to work!" and with that he led MacKay around the room, introducing her to the guys.

_Great, _Jane thought, _just what I need, another Fed sniffin' around the place, looking over my shoulder. Yeah, 'cause that went so well the last time. _She still started when Cavanaugh suddenly appeared behind her conveniently proving her point but there she was, the new girl, hand stuck out in front of her like she expected Jane to shake it or something.

"Agent MacKay, this is Detective Jane Rizzoli, one of Boston's finest." Cavanaugh smiled fondly, he had always had a soft spot for the prickly young woman even if she did try his patience on more than the odd occasion.

"Jane, I know you by reputation of course." The woman grinned. She was actually _grinning _at her! Jane just stared blankly for a moment before jolting herself into grabbing the woman's hand. She had to admit, Caitlin was striking at first glance, perhaps not 'classically beautiful but yes, striking with dirty blonde almost shoulder-length layers of hair that were flipped carefully at the ends. She could tell this woman was a force in her own right though, her smile may have been bright but her eyes burned with a fire that Jane recognised well and just visible through the crisp white shirt sleeves were a pair of well sculpted arms. Yeah, this girl was decent in-shape. In fairness, Caitlin seemed to be sizing Jane up in exactly the same manner.

"Yeah, Caitlin, it's good to meet you. You gonna be here a while?"

"Please don't worry Detective, I won't be causing you any obstruction; I'm just here to help. I have a background in Counter-Terrorism, that's all. You'll still get your back guy." Apparently Caitlin was already adept at reading Jane's responses, it was unsettling.

_Riiiiiiiiight; _Jane's little voice snickered. "So where's that accent come from? You're definitely not local."

"Just across that giant pond there, wee place called Scotland. Have you ever been?"

"No, can't say that I have" *click, click, click click* _Oh, thank God! Someone with some sense! _"Maura! Hey!" Jane practically barrelled through Caitlin and Cavanaugh at the unexpected but incredibly welcome appearance of her best friend.

"Hello Jane, good to see you too!" She returned Jane's grin although admittedly felt a bit taken aback at her friend's slightly overenthusiastic greeting then suddenly seemed to notice the Bullpen was busier than usual; "have I missed something? Is there a celebration that I am unaware of?"

"Uh, no, no, not really" Jane began, nervously shifting from foot to foot, glancing behind her every so often. "Just uh, really happy to see my best friend. Well, I mean we've been saying 'hello' to Agent MacKay here who's gonna be helping us out for a little while" she continued, gesturing vaguely behind her, trailing off at the matching dropped jaws Maura and Caitlin were now sporting.

Maura's voice, when she finally spoke cracked, barely recognisable through layers of emotion. The Bullpen had fallen silent but neither woman noticed;

"Caitlin? No, it can't…."

"Mau-" but Caitlin didn't get the chance to finish as Maura suddenly leaped into the her arms, wrapping her arms tightly around the other woman's neck, uttering words muffled unintelligible by Caitlin's shoulder.

Jane could only stare, eyes agog. _What the…? What the fuck just happened?! That woman's got her hands all over Maura. Maura is hugging her! I can't believe this! The one person I thought I could count on to be on my side and she freaking knows her! Wait- they're talking…and…what the hell? She is totally checking her out. Fucking Caitlin is checking. Maura's. Boobs! I've never checked her out like that! Okay, totally a lie but…at least I'm not obvious, like in her face. Okay, once._

But the two blondes appeared totally oblivious to Jane's inner turmoil.

"I can't believe it's really you" Maura whispered, tracing Caitlin's cheek with a tentative finger. "It's been so long, I didn't know if you were even still alive. All this time I've wondered what happened to you."

Caitlin had an expression that Jane just couldn't quite identify; something like longing. And the way Maura was looking back at her caused a stab somewhere in the vicinity of her chest. MacKay's answer was quiet and Jane had to strain to pick up, heading for her desk conveniently located on the other side of the other two women;

"It's a very long story, I have a great deal to tell you but right now it's just so good to see you."

"Owwwwwww!"

Maura nearly toppled as she spun towards the noise, Caitlin holding her steady with strong arms. Jane had plunked down on her chair in the most inelegant fashion, arms and legs everywhere, flailing wildly as she desperately tried to right herself.

"Jane? Are you alright? What did you do?"

Jane grimaced; "Yeah Maur', I'm fine. I slipped earlier, guess I just sat down too hard or somethin'."

Still Maura pressed on in her own very Maura way kneeling before Jane's chair, staring up at her with a genuine affection;

"Oh but still Jane, you could have a bruised coccyx Jane, that could be quite serious. I want you to come with me to the Morgue right now and let me put some ice on it, we need to take care of any swelling there might be."

Jane held up a protesting hand "No Maur' I'm fine, really!" Not that the thought of getting her pants off on one of those cold tables would be a bad thing but this wasn't exactly the kind of scenario she'd had in mind. The distinctly pink flush appearing along her cheekbones was not aided either the cacophony of wolf whistles that were now circulating the Bull Pen like a Mexican Wave or indeed the curl of amusement that had begun toying around the corners of MacKay's mouth. _Great!_

R&IR&IR&IR&IR&IR&IR&IR&IR&I

Finally sauntering into the Robber that night Jane couldn't wait to down her first cold one. _Then again, maybe I spoke too soon_. Instead of just waving a 'hello' Frost was sat next to Korsak in their usual booth waving his arms about in the air doing fist pumps and crying out at the top of his voice "I see you baby, shakin' that ass! Shakin' that ass!"

_Oh brother! _She really could have done without the antics but the call of beer and cheeseburgers with double fries was strong so _carefully_ she slid herself into their booth, raising her hand to get a round of beers sent across. Frost was the first to brave the feisty brunette's mood;

"So uh, where's Maura? She comin' tonight?"

Jane shrugged, "Yeah, far as I know but she did say she'd be a bit late. Think she's off with _Agent MacKay_. Hey, what exactly is she an agent of anyway? She can't be FBI. Korsak, you know anything about her?"

Korsak shook his head, "Nah, I tried looking up her file earlier and got hit with a big fat *Classified*"

Jane narrowed her eyes, "Huh, so you thought there was something off about her too?"

"Maybe, maybe not. I just wanted to find out who we're dealing with. She said she had a background in Counter-Terror right? Well that could mean anything. Why not just ask Maura, she seemed to know her pretty good".

Jane rolled her eyes at the little nudges Korsak was giving Frost and was about to give him a smart answer back when the object of her affections chose that moment to sidle in beside her, glass of wine in-hand.

"Hello everyone, what have I missed?"

Before Jane could answer Korsak jumped in;

"So Maura, you know Agent MacKay, where'd you two meet?"

With three sets of eyes now staring intently at her Maura did feel marginally as though she'd been blindsided. Not something she had become accustomed to from the people she had considered her closest friends over the past few years. Having said that, she'd known it was only a matter of time before curiosity would get the better of them and the questions would start. She still took an uncharacteristically large swallow of her wine before answering;

"We met about ten years ago when I was living in London. My career was still in its very early stages undergoing graduate training. Caitlin had not long been commissioned as a junior officer in the Army Intelligence Corps." She paused as Korsak and Jane exchanged a significant look;

"Intel" Jane muttered under her breath.

Maura's eyes darted between the two before she continued. Always a little awkward growing up, even into her mid-thirties she still remained a tad socially inept but she was no fool and the contact she had just seen pass between the other members of the table was enough to make her wary of what was going on.

"Caitlin was on a temporary posting while preparing to be sent out to Iraq. It was just before the invasion took place. We were introduced by a mutual friend. One of the senior doctors I was training under had an idea that we would 'hit it off'…and he was right. Then after a few months Caitlin shipped off to Basra and I never heard from her again. I never found out what happened to her." Jane wondered if that brief sadness that touched Maura's expression would ever be because of her then just as swiftly shook the thought out of her mind, vowing she never wanted to see that look on that beautiful face again, let alone be the cause of it.

Korsak was clearly intrigued; "So who's she working for now? Speculate for us?"

"Sergeant Korsak, you know very well I do not speculate" she answered with just a hint of mischieviousness. "But no, she didn't tell me who she is working for, only that a very senior old friend of hers had sent her here with a task and that once that task was complete she would be gone again." Again Maura resumed that forlorn look that had been there moments before.

"Could be MI6" Korsak offered but Jane's mind was elsewhere. The lingering looks, the whispered conversations, this was all getting too much and she had to know. After taking a long pull from the bottle clenched between her fingers she asked the question they'd all had burrowing away in the back of their minds;

"So…were you and her close?" she wondered aloud with a very deliberate air of casualness. Of course Maura never missed a beat. The scorching look she offered Jane then seared itself into the very depths of her soul;

"We were best friends".

The gaze lingered on between the two until Frost made a loud throat-clearing noise. Maura abruptly tore her eyes away, announcing very suddenly that she had had quite enough of a late night already. She pushed her way through the now thronging Friday crowd, _most unladylike but the way she was feeling most necessary_ and out into the crisp Boston night drawing in a huge gulp of air as soon as she was out the door, unaware that she'd been tailed by a certain detective. Gentle as it was she still gasped on feeling a hand coming to rest on her shoulder.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you Maur'"

That voice, it got to her every time.

"No, Jane, I'm sorry, I just had to get out there. It's not you, I promise."

Jane's gaze softened, she took hold of Maura's elbow between her fingertips.

"C'mon, I think I've had enough for one night too. Want me to walk you home?"

As much it was Jane's voice that touched Maura whenever she heard those deep soulful tones it was that shy coyness of the blonde that got to Jane. Accepting Jane's hand and even tucking it more firmly in the crook of her elbow they started to walk together. "Yes please"

"So, it's just me now Maur', tell me, what's the deal with you two? Was it _luurve?" _she asked, using the fingers of her free hand to make little air quotes.

"Yes"

It was the simplest of answers but already Jane felt her heart on a steady plummet towards the ground.

Maura gave a long sigh; "Jane, in all honesty I don't know how much I really want to go into this with you but…" halting their stroll and turning Jane to face her, both hands on the taller woman's toned biceps. "What happened between Caitlin and I took place a very long time ago but yes, I can honestly say I loved her with all my heart. When she vanished from my life it tore me apart. I've tried to move on with my life but she's always been there in the background. She was my first. My first love and she's affected every relationship I have had since; Garrett, Ian….._you._" Maura gave a slight pause for emphasis, thinking Jane biting her lip like that so undeniably adorable but she needed to get this out. "You see, Caitlin and I never really finished. I suppose it's the age old story. Girl meets soldier, girl falls in love, soldier goes off to war and never comes back."

"But she has" Jane's voice rough, giving away far too much of the vulnerability that was plaguing her.

"Yes, she has" replied Maura in an impossibly soft voice. "But I don't want you running off with any ideas. You and I have a lot to talk about but I need to ask you to give me a little time. I hope you can understand this. I need to spend this time with her, I need to say goodbye and curses, I _need_ to find out why she just abandoned me all those years ago. I will always need you in my life Jane, can you give me this?" and then she placed her hands on Jane's shoulders just as she had done hours earlier with Caitlin.

Jane didn't know what to say, truth-be told, she was deeply in awe of the diminutive woman in front of her and knew she would never be able to deny her anything. In one statement she had not only allayed some of the fears swirling around her overactive mind but had left her with the tiniest sense of…hope?

"Yes Maura, take all the time you need. I'm not going anywhere."

**Thank you again for all your wonderful reviews, favourites, follows and just general awesomeness! Critique, comments and suggestions welcome :-D**


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's Note; **

**I can't believe the response this story has had already just two chapters along, you guys are officially the fabbiest people in the world! I can't thank you enough, everyone who has reviewed, favourited and followed, YOU ROCK! **

**Chapter Two**

The next couple of days had passed relatively peacefully, despite the fact that apparently the only desk space free for Caitlin to work from just happened to be the one directly across from Jane Rizzoli. The sniping had continued on and off but both women were far too stubborn to allow themselves to be the first one to end up in trouble with Cavanaugh if things escalated.

Jane yawned and stretched from behind her computer, the bones in her back cracking loudly. It was still only in the AM and already the day was dragging. Glancing across from her, she noticed Caitlin flipping through some surveillance images of a potential terrorist compound they were planning to infiltrate, the Cranston Case. It was the same images that Jane and the guys had gone over a hundred times yet there she was, no-doubt believing that there was something she could spot that the others had missed. _Boy I need some caffeine!_

She could have gone down to the station's café for a semi-decent brew but she knew Angela would be there and somehow she just didn't feel up to dealing with an overbearing mother on top of everything else she had on her mind. Angela would only start asking how Maura was then Jane would have to explain the fact that she hadn't seen her in days because a simple "I dunno" would never be enough to satisfy the domineering matriarch. _Yeah, probably a good idea just to stay away_. Easing her way over to a small coffee station set-up on the other side of the Bullpen she found Korsak already pouring half a kilo of sugar into one small paper cup. Still, he looked up and offered a half smile. Considering this as good a time as any to catch the older man alone she kept her tones low;

"You think she's a spook?"

He knew damn-well who she was referring to. The last couple of days she'd been like the proverbial dog with a bone.

"I don't know Jane but listen, you're gonna have to drop this. You really think it's gonna be long before the wrong person finds out you've been digging especially if she does run in those kinda circles?"

"But Korsak, something isn't right here, I feel it in my gut."

"You better watch that, I don't think Maura would be too impressed to hear you've been listening to your intestines again, hasn't she already told you about that once?"

It had only been an attempt to lighten the mood but when Jane's eyes suddenly dropped to the floor Korsak knew he'd just hit a nerve.

"Jane, is that what this is about? Maura?"

"No, although I haven't seen her the last few days, too busy hanging around with _Army Girl _there" she grumbled, jabbing a thumb vaguely in Caitlin's direction. Something lit up in the older man's eyes;

"Ah, I was wrong. This isn't about Maura at all, this is about _Casey_!"

"I don't trust her Korsak and I don't trust her with Maura!" She growled, still desperately trying to keep her voice down her arms shot out to either side of her for emphasis, her palms splayed wide; "she did _exactly _the same thing to Maura as Casey did to me!"

Korsak gripped Jane firmly by the elbows; "Janie, you don't know that."

Jane's face contorted in incredulity but Korsak held firm; "Jane don't forget I had to leave my wife when I went to 'Nam. MacKay got sent to Iraq, which means she didn't have a choice. Every day thousands of service men and women have to leave their homes and those they love most in the world. The hardest job on this Earth is being a military spouse, to know that you are always going to come second to a career and there's not a damn thing you can do about it. Letting them go when you know there's always the chance you may never see them again. You decided that life wasn't for you and that's fine but Maura didn't. Maura chose to wait and who knows? Maybe she never stopped waiting. Now, if you don't trust MacKay that's up to you but what about your best friend? You don't trust her all of a sudden? You're gonna drive yourself crazy if you don't let this go Janie."

R&IR&IR&IR&IR&IR&IR&IR&IR&IR&IR&I

"Knock knock!" Caitlin swung around the doorway of Maura's office, pleased when the other woman visibly brightened at the interruption. "You look deep in thought, what you upto?"

Maura sighed, rubbing tired eyes that had started turning to grit. "I'm just catching up some reports, we had a busy spell last week and I'm still wading my way through the paperwork."

"Welllll, can I entice you into taking a walk with me? I might even treat you to lunch if you're good!" She grinned, already holding out her hand.

Maura beamed and allowed Caitlin to help her up, switching her white lab coat for a black suit blazer and linking her arm through the other woman's, shivering as they stepped out into the fresh Boston air.

"Oh, I didn't realise the temperature had dropped so much since this morning"

"Do you want to go back and find another jacket?"

"No!" Maura protested a bit too vehemently. "No, I'll be fine once we start walking, increase the blood flow."

Without thinking, Caitlin slipped off her own heavy coat and Maura felt the weight of it being draped across her shoulders leaving Caitlin in only a slim-fitted Tank-Top. Unconsciously Maura raised a hand, entwining the tips of her fingers with those currently resting atop her shoulder, Caitlin's arm having remained quite comfortably where it was.

"Are you sure you're not too cold now?"

"You know better than to ask me that", Maura grinned, pressing herself tighter against the other woman's side, amazed at the warmth still emanating from the lithe body. True enough, coming from the very far north of Scotland Caitlin never had been one for feeling the cold. As they continued to walk both women became immersed in their own thoughts. It was unsettling to Maura how easily they seemed to have slipped back into familiar ways. Everything was all so comfortable. She couldn't explain it but being with Caitlin made Maura feel young and vibrant again. At only thirty-five she knew she was hardly old but though she enjoyed her life and dearly loved her closest friends, here, with this woman it was as if ten years of hard and bitter experience had just melted away to nothing. It was strange, she couldn't help but wonder if she should feel guiltier about it all but there was nothing. Long before Maura had ever met Jane Caitlin had been the one that had made her feel valued, special even. It just one of the many reasons Maura had fallen in love with the attractive woman in the first place.

After a while of comfortable silence they came across a very pretty looking Café that Maura had never visited before which seemed as good a reason as any to give it a try. Up one end was a wood-burning stove surrounded by some very comfortable-looking chocolate coloured couches. Easing their way between the busy tables they made their way over, sinking into the warm supple leather with matching groans of pleasure. Conversation was light as a waitress took their order, laughing over shared memories, a few lingering gazes a touch here and there but there was something in the back of Maura's mind that just would not go away;

"Kate, I've been having such a wonderful time with you…"

"But?"

"But there is a conversation you and I need to have. There are things I _need _to ask you. Things I believe I have a right to know."

Caitlin had the grace to look abashed; "Yes you do. To tell you the truth I'm surprised it's taken this long to come up."

"I didn't want to ruin our time together", the confession was so soft that Caitlin had to strain to catch it, covering Maura's chilled hand with her own warm fingers in response.

"You couldn't ruin anything Maura. There are things you deserve to know and I promise I will tell you absolutely everything and you can yell at me, scream at me, throw dishes at me, whatever you want."

"Have dinner with me. Tomorrow. I'll cook for us." The invitation was sudden, having come out of Maura's mouth before she could stop it although now that she'd said it she had no real desire to take it back.

"Ah, sorry, I can't tomorrow, I have to take a team out to do a recce on the compound." Of course then smaller woman understood but still the small 'oh' of disappointment that escaped Maura's lips tugged at Caitlin's heart, "Can I be very cheeky and ask if the invitation could extend to Friday?"

That coy little smile toying its way around Maura's mouth was all the indication Caitlin needed to know she'd said the right thing. "It's a date." _Jane will understand. _

**Slightly shorter update tonight folks, work kinda got in the way this evening. A little bit of a filler chapter before things start heating up in the next one. **


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's Note;**

** Hi all, 'tis me again! This will be a longer update than the last chapter. This is actually one of two chapters I had rattling around my head that made me decide I really wanted to write this story, just hope I can make the words do justice to what's been in my imagination. I know from a number of messages I've had that many of you don't like the Maura I've been writing and confused about where I'm going. Well, to be honest this chapter may well put some of you off but I hope it actually clears up the real concept of this story and answers your questions. **

** Thanks so much to everyone who is reading this slightly less conventional route to Rizzles. I still can't quite get my head around all the follows/reviews etc. you are wonderful people!**

** Hope you enjoy this folks.**

**Chapter Three**

Jane cursed loudly as she trudged her way through the dense mossy carpet of the woodland floor, a spell of heavy rain having saturated the ground making the footing treacherous.

"Dammit! For Christ's sake, you need a fucking machete to get through this!"

"We're hardly in the jungle Jane!" came an irritatingly reasonable response.

"Yeah, like you'd know MacKay!"

"Yes, I would. Jungle training in Malaysia" Caitlin clarified at the brunette's disbelieving glance.

"Yeah well, I never liked this kinda thing. Even when Mom and Pop used to take us on camping trips as a kid. Come to think of it, maybe that's _why _I hate this stuff."

"And there was me thinking you were the rough and tumble type of kid Jane Rizzoli" MacKay grinned with satisfaction, there was a great deal of fun to be had in needling the detective and she suspected that the feeling was entirely mutual.

"Huh, I was. I just don't like feeling that the ground is going to give way underneath me at any second." She replied, her heel slipping as the edged down a rather steep slope, both women each holding an arm out to their sides in an effort to keep them steady.

"Ach, it's only a wee bit mud. Should get yourself a pair of combat boots. These are my old Army ones their easy enough to find."

"Yeah, I just don't think I really wanna go down the whole 'butch' road y'know. I mean, Maura's always telling me she likes it when I get all dressed up."

Bam! That one hit target. It was subtle but there was a definite flash in those eyes before the shutters slammed down hard though the moment was short lived;

"We're here" MacKay motioned for Jane to get down doing the same herself before pulling out a set of binoculars from a pouch attached to an old combat belt she was currently sporting. Jane lay down on her stomach; grimacing at the painful realisation she had just partially submerged herself into a giant pool of congealed mud containing god only knew what. It stank.

"Oh, bad luck there Detective!" At least the blonde woman had the good grace to at least attempt to clamp down on the grin that was threatening to burst out across her face.

Jane could only groan as she radioed _Base Camp, _careful to keep her voice as low as possible_. _Frost and Korsak were waiting in an unmarked cruiser on the edges of the woodland, as far away as they dared without unduly risking the two women.

"Korsak, you hear me?"

"_Yeah Jane, how are you two doing over there?"_

"We're alright; we've made it to the compound."

_"Great Janie, now get your snaps and get the hell outta there. Frost caught some movement a minute ago, could be they're on their way to your location."_

"I hear you old man."

Jane and MacKay worked quickly and efficiently in near silence, taking note of what surveillance gear they could see and where the compound was most heavily guarded. The place had been targeted by Intel as a possible weapons-running base. It just made sense to involve BPD since it was their turf and they knew the terrain, even if it was a little irksome. If nothing else, Jane realised, it was testament to the professionalism of both women that they could still work operate like this together even with their differences.

"Right, c'mon, I think we got enough here" Jane started, hefting a large camera over her shoulder before MacKay dragged her back down. "MacKay, what are you _doi-"_

"Sh! You didn't hear that?" She whispered fiercely, bringing a finger forcefully in front of her lips.

"Hear _what? _I don't….what's that? Yeah, I hear them now"

The blonde nodded, motioning Jane silently to an overturned tree stump that looked as though it had been at least partially hollowed out. The pair managed to crawl under, praying that the covering darkness would keep them out of sight.

Footsteps.

'_I swore I saw something!"_

"_I don't see anything. C'mon, let's go back."_

The footsteps slowly crept away but before Jane could move Caitlin held her hand up once more, turning over as quietly as she could without rustling too much she cautiously poked her head above the side of the trunk. Pulling herself out incredibly slowly, her fingers tickling the grip of the handgun strapped to her waist. Determining that the owners of those voices had definitely left and weren't simply attempting to lead them into a trap she reached down and twitched her fingers indicating to Jane that it was safe to move. Jane was perhaps a little less graceful about her escape but she got there, climbing up swiftly beside Caitlin.

"I'm sure they're gone but we have to get out of here quick. We don't know how many more of them could be out there"

Jane nodded her agreement, not even bothering to argue over seniority at this point. They had a long walk ahead of them and suddenly she wasn't in the mood for any more banter though when they were a little further out of the woods she felt an urge for conversation.

"So uh, you did a lot of this kinda thing in the, in the Army?"

Sensing a shift in her companion's demeanour Caitlin decided to accept the woman's honest enquiry;

"Yeah, you know, when you're in the Army you spent most of your life getting into one hole or other."

"And you and Maura?" She wasn't sure why she asked and she had no idea what response she was going to get but she still found herself surprised and perhaps even slightly warmed by the other woman's candour;

"I'm not trying to take Maura away from you Jane." She sighed, pausing for breath enough to come up with the right words for what she wanted to say. "Oh I'm no saint Jane and if circumstances were different I'd be doing everything I could to have her back. But the Maura I knew was very different than the Maura you know now. Back then she was so…vibrant and full of life. She believed the world was full of endless possibilities but she's lost that and that's at least partly my fault. I can't give her the life she deserves but you can.

She _does_ love you Jane but she's afraid of being abandoned. Her parents introduced her to that fear but I allowed it to happen again. Back then we were young; we let ourselves believe that everything was going to be okay even when we both knew that our lives were heading in very different directions. I'd give anything to go back and change things. All I can do now is make sure that she's looked after when I'm gone. I know that she asked you to let us have some time together and I know that it's killing you but you did it because you can't refuse her anything. I know that because I never could either. There _is _only one Maura Isles."

Jane looked at the woman. Really looked at her and for the first time saw her truth.

"I know it may not have seemed like it Kate but…I have enjoyed our sparring."

"Yeah, me too. Are we good?"

"Yeah, we're good."

**R&IR&IR&IR&IR&IR&IR&IR&IR&IR&IR&IR&I**

Maura didn't bother to look up from her laptop when she heard the door to her office just burst open, knowing fine well that there was only ever one person who had no compunction about just barging her way into the Chief Medical Examiner's inner-sanctum.

"Hi Jane" she said with no little humour tinging the edges of her voice.

Jane flopped down into one of the hard metal chairs that Maura kept there for visitors. Why the ME continually insisted on choosing style over comfort still baffled her no-end but she had learned to accept it as just another part of her _Mauraness_.

"Hey pretty lady, how're you doing?"

"I'm fine Jane. You seem very chirpy today." Even only half paying attention the blonde could still detect a certain lightening across the set of the other woman's shoulder. Truth be told, Jane _had _been feeling better since her air-clearing conversation with MacKay the night before. She'd even started to _like _her just a little bit though of course she'd never admit it.

"Yeah well, just trying to keep upbeat. I do kinda have a confession to make though Maur', umm, I'm not gonna be able to make our movie night tonight. I have to work late."

"Oh", Maura, tried to hide her smile, Jane had inadvertently let her off the hook. Maura had spent all morning trying to come up with a way of tactfully ducking out of that evening's movie night without attempting to lie though she did suddenly realise that perhaps she hadn't sounded as disappointed as perhaps she should have to Jane's very astute ears. "Oh, I'm sorry you can't make tonight Jane but what about next Friday, you'll be free for then won't you?"

"Yeah, pfft, of course, count me in!" she replied as nonchalantly as possible, waving a hand in good measure. Not that she was altogether surprised at Maura's lack of regret; she knew it was Caitlin's last night in Boston and that Maura would probably want to spend it with her. She was about to ask but then her phone buzzed, it was Frost. "Sorry Maur' I gotta go, Frost just beeped me."

"Okay, will I see you tomorrow?"

"Maybe Maur, you know we've got this guns bust tomorrow, I think it's gonna be a pretty heavy day but if I can stop by I will."

Maura nodded but something didn't feel right, not that she was in the habit of listening to her intestines as Jane did. "Jane? You'll take care of yourself won't you? You'll be okay and come back to me?"

Jane's expression softened; "course I will Maur'."

**R&IR&IR&IR&IR&IR&IR&IR&IR&I**

Much later that evening Maura led Caitlin from the Dining Room to the couch where another smooth glass of Chianti awaited.

"Maura Isles, are you attempting to ply me with wine?"

"No but if I were I know I would be fighting a losing battle. I do remember those nights when I tried to match your whiskey chasers with my wines and you had to carry me back to my apartment."

There was laughter over the shared memories but then Maura's expression became serious and Caitlin knew it was time;

"Kate, why did you leave? Why did you just abandon me like that? Why did I never hear from you? I waited for months and nothing."

Caitlin sighed. She knew she had to get this right. "Maura, when I left, I had a rough idea of what lay ahead of me but until I got there I didn't realise exactly what it was I'd been training for. I mean, you know I specialised in 'Human Intelligence', right?" At Maura's brief nod she continued. "I thought I'd be going out there, talking to the locals, gathering information then back out again. I didn't realise I was going to have to _become _a local. I can't tell you specifics I got so deep that Powers-That-Be decided to leave me there. It was almost a year before they pulled me out of there, someone was getting too close and it would have been too dangerous to let me be captured. Anyway, by the time I was able to get in-touch with home you'd gone back to the States. A friend of David's had mentioned you at some conference or other. He told me that you were doing well. On your way up the ladder. I thought you'd moved on and best thing to do was leave you to get on with your life, find a bit of happiness. I knew I couldn't give you any kind of life Maura. Not the kind I wanted to give you, popping in for a while then having to dash off again at a moment's notice. I couldn't put you through that."

Maura swallowed hard, "That should have been my choice to make Kate, don't you understand that? I wanted you in my life, more than anything. I needed you."

"David's friend also mentioned some guy called 'Fairfield'." Caitlin mumbled, eyes cast downward to where her fingers now toyed with each other in random patterns.

"I thought you'd abandoned me. Garrett was…a safe option. He was a wealthy businessman and he took an interest in me. It turns out he wasn't so safe after all." She became thoughtful for a moment but she also had more questions; "so what happened afterwards?"

"Well, when I realised I couldn't have you I threw myself into my work. It took me all over the world. My last mission before I resigned was in Afghan. I was a Captain by then so I thought at least I'd get a decent enough pension when I finally retired." Her tone was deliberately light but her eyes had grown dark and stormy. Maura reached over and rested her hand on top of the other woman's.

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to, if it hurts too much."

"It's okay, I trust you." She offered a small turn-up of the lip, "Long story short I was leading a small team of a reconnaissance mission. It wasn't anything major, just a few snaps but we….we were captured by a group of insurgents, took us back to their cell. We were there for about a week. I won't tell you what went on in there, just that we were lucky a firefight broke out nearby. A squad of American troops found us, more dead than alive by all accounts and brought us back."

Maura's face had gone pale. It was one of the few times in her life that she genuinely had no words. Thankfully the stereo she had set to playing provided an interruption. The soft tones of Norah Jones began to filter through the room;

"Why Miss Isles, you appear to be playing _our song."_

Maura cocked her head and listened for a moment.

_It's not the pale moon that's excites me,_

_That thrills and delights me._

_Oh no, it's just the nearness of you._

Their gazes locked and for a moment they were both twenty-five again.

_It was the annual regimental ball. A reluctant 2__nd__ Lieutenant MacKay had asked one very shy Doctor Maura Isles if she would do the honour of accompanying her. All evening they had been sneaking surreptitious glances at each other. It was the first time Maura had seen Caitlin in the resplendent formal Mess Dress every officer was required to wear at these events. Maura, herself, had caused more than a few heads to turn as she walked by in a full floor length midnight blue dress, hair curling perfectly about her shoulders. Despite having been dating for a few weeks the two of them had felt ridiculously nervous. Then at some point the band had started playing 'The Nearness of You' a classic that they both started unconsciously singing along to. Caitlin had asked Maura to dance. The dancing eventually led elsewhere, later that night Caitlin went back to Maura's flat by the water and somehow never got around to leaving._

Caitlin took Maura's hand and led her towards the middle of the Living Room, clearing the coffee table to the side to create some space and began to waltz with her. For minutes they didn't speak, just content to regard the other, lost somewhere in time, allowing the music to take away the years, if only for a few moments.

"_Central Heterochromia _, the rare tri-colour version with the 'blue gold' effect"

Slightly jarred Caitlin couldn't respond beyond a simple "hmm?"

"Your eyes, I always loved them. I believe they made me fall in love with you." And her voice was wistful.

"Just my eyes huh?" Caitlin queried with just a hint of devilment.

"Among many other things" replied Maura, matching Caitlin's twinkle.

Caitlin pulled Maura a little tighter against her, lifting their joined hands up to her chest.

"Kate, were we really so foolish? Did we choose to believe that everything would be okay? Even knowing how different we were."

The taller woman kissed the top of Maura's golden head. "Not foolish darlin', it's never foolish to be in love, regardless of the outcome."

When Maura answered, her voice was small; "Do you want to hear something crazy?"

"Sure."

Maura buried herself deeper into the crook of the other woman's neck, possibly hoping that her words would be too muffled to hear; "I wish you still had your uniform."

Caitlin used a finger to gently tilt Maura's face up towards her;

"So do I"

The kiss that followed was perhaps inevitable. It was warm and soft and so, so achingly familiar. It was everything that Maura remembered only this time there was also a finality implied. Both women completely absorbed in the kiss, neither heard the car engine coming to a rest outside. Neither could have possibly predicted the look of mixed horror and hurt on the face of the driver as she stared open-mouthed at the two silhouettes melting into each other behind curtains that had been closed hours earlier. Certainly neither of them could hear the furious revving that followed from Maura's bedroom located at the back of the house.

**R&IR&IR&IR&IR&IR&IR&I**

Hours later, two warm and sated bodies curled round each other in the centre of Maura's large bed.

"This was our goodbye, wasn't it?" Maura's voice was carefully hushed, not wanting to break the almost magical silence that had descended around them. Caitlin leaned forward to kiss Maura's jaw, just under her ear.

"Yes, a very beautiful goodbye. Certainly an improvement on last time."

"Last time we never got as far as making love. I spent the entire night with my head on your chest crying my eyes out. You just held me tight and told me everything would be okay. I should have been comforting you that night. Then in the morning you weren't there."

"I know," Caitlin began, hugging Maura tighter against her, "and tomorrow I will be gone again."

"I never stopped waiting for you Kate and maybe a part of me never will. I still love you so very much but….I think I'm _in _love with Jane. How is that possible? To love to people at the same time?" She was bemused as she felt the twist of Caitlin's lips smiling against her skin.

"Darlin' that's exactly how it should be. I have _never_ stopped loving you either but you need to let me go now. I was your past but Jane is your present and future. You have to promise me you'll make it happen. Please, love and cherish the memory of me, of us and what we had. I'm counting on you to keep that safe when I'm gone."

Silence surrounded them again and Caitlin wondered if Maura had finally allowed herself to doze off.

"Kate, will tomorrow be okay? I mean, is it dangerous?"

"No, unless someone goes off half-cocked which won't happen. You have a great team at BPD. It'll be fine. I promise and I promise I'll make sure she comes back to you."

"Promise me you'll be okay, I can't lose you again Caitlin." But there was no answer. Caitlin settled in against Maura's back, her eyelids just beginning to drift close….

"Kate?"

"Hmm?"

"If things had turned out differently…back then, I mean, would you have asked me?"

Caitlin tried to smile but it was tremulous at best and her voice was cracked and raw;

"Everyday until you said 'yes'"

Maura paused for just half a beat;

"Yes"

"Yes?"

"Yes."

**I wanted to at least try to write something beautiful and just thought, "what's more beautiful than letting someone go so that person could find happiness." Anyway, I really do hope you enjoyed this chapter, it's something that means a lot to me personally. With love all ;-)**


	5. Chapter 5

**Author's Note;**

** Firstly, thanks for all your wonderful reviews and all the follows, you guys are A-MA-ZING! I'm so glad you get what I'm trying to do here. On that note however, I've said it once already but I'll say it one more time, I am not going to be the target for anybody's rant. Like I said, I knew this story could be a little controversial, now I have no issue with a bit of critique but if you want to review or send messages any little tirades will either be ignored or deleted where possible. To put this in a little perspective, this is FANFICTION. I'm not putting this in front of you on the television every week and I'm certainly not forcing you to read this story. No one can say that they were not given substantial forewarning over the nature of this story. To be honest, I gave up half-way through some of these messages and some of you appear to have read no-further than the Prologue yet somehow seem to 'know' what I'm going to write before I've even written it . I know exactly where this story is going to go and I'm not going to continually justifying my writing of it. I wonder if other writers who include Casey or Ian or Garrett in their stories get this reaction also, or the stories where one of our girls is already grieving over a lost love. I love fluffy Rizzles and there are some fantastic stories like that on the board but y'know, as much as love can be an incredible gift, it can also be the most painful thing in the world. **

** Thank you to all those continuing along on this journey with me. Believe it or not, the twists and turns are only just beginning.**

**Chapter Four**

Jane didn't know what had driven herself to Maura's so late at night. She had known very well that Caitlin would be there but something about long hard days always brought here to the beautiful blonde's Beacon Hill home. Perhaps it had merely been wishful thinking. Could she really blame Maura? No, she and Maura weren't even together and yet Maura had _still _asked her permission for this week with her old flame. So where did that leave the detective? Her anger refracted inward with such a force; fury rose like fire sparking her chest into a furnace, the flames licking higher and higher with each passing second until her organs would eventually turn to ash and charred her bones black. She drove faster, the unmarked cruiser easily cutting through the Boston city traffic that never seemed to ease no-matter how late the hour though admittedly causing the odd screech from other vehicles in her wake.

She carried on like this for hours, seeming to steer the car around for hours automatically, never really concentrating on the road with no particular destination in-mind. _Maura, _it had always been Maura and Maura had always been there for her; _until now _she thought bitterly. The logical, rational part of her head was screaming at her, desperately trying to regain some kind of control over the rapidly encroaching darkness smothering her head.

Eventually she found herself on the outskirts of the woodlands where she had been with Caitlin only hours earlier. She slowed, coming to a stop under the shadow of several trees, letting the engine run for a few moments before deciding this was a good a place as any to try and get her head together. The silence when she finally turned the key was deafening, closing in around her as she leaned her torso forward onto the steering wheel, hands either side by her ears. She wouldn't weep, she didn't have the energy and her mind would not stop swirling, tormenting her with images like waking-nightmares. Despite knowing how late it was by the time she had arrived at Maura's earlier, Jane was still somehow surprised as the light changed and the glow of another sunrise started to emerge over the skyline filtering softly through the branches above, sparkling brightly on rustling evergreen leaves. With the daylight came clarity; to any onlooker the brunette detective may have looked as though she had zoned out but her eyes bore deep into the woods that stretched out before her. A plan had begun to form in her mind.

**R&IR&IR&IR&IR&IR&IR&IR&IR&IR&I**

"Where the _fuck_ is Rizzoli?" Cavanaugh bellowed.

Saturday morning had arrived all too abruptly for most of BPD. The team that had been selected for the assault on the weapons compound were all assembled in the Bullpen ready for the off. Only the absence of a certain brunette detective was holding them up. Caitlin sighed and glanced round;

"Anyone seen my vest? I can't see it anywhere! Frost? Korsak? Any ideas?"

The two men looked at each other and shrugged. In spite of the difficulties between the woman in front of them and their partner with the loyalties that implied, both of them had grown to genuinely like and respect her. Her sharp wit had been more than an equal match for Jane's and her commitment to her work was something to which nobody could object.

A passing officer, just coming off nightshift chose that moment to pass by, hearing the commotion; "Rizzoli left already," he began, jabbing his thumb behind him as Cavanaugh and the rest of the team snapped their heads in his direction simultaneously. "Yeah, she came in early, never said a word. Just took a vest, some extra bullets and went."

"Shit!" Caitlin exclaimed loudly, "Cavanaugh, I'm going after her before she does something stupid and gets herself killed! Let's run the op. as normal from there. The rest of this is your shout Lieutenant!" She threw over her shoulder, already brushing past the doors out into the hallway.

"Alright people, you heard her, let's get moving! Korsak, you're taking Alpha Squad, Frost you take Beta, the rest of you with me. We maintain radio contact at all times. We surround the perimeter and do _not _move in until you are told to do so. Clear? Alright, go to it!"

**R&IR&IR&IR&IR&IR&IR&IR&IR&IR&IR&IR&IR&I**

Maura's morning had begun slowly, taking her time before opening her eyes, feeling the need to prolong the bittersweet bliss from the previous evening having already felt the cool sheets beside her. She had known full well that Caitlin would leave long before Maura woke. Last night had been their goodbye, all the morning could bring were tears alongside clinging embraces that would never end and perhaps guilt. _No, _she thought, shaking herself, she would never feel guilty for one last night. She and Jane weren't even together. It was odd though. All these years she had somehow felt as though she were cheating on Kate with her previous lovers. Now she was contemplating guilt over spending one night with that same woman because of a relationship that she had not yet embarked on. The human soul, if she believed in one, was indeed a fragile thing.

Thankfully her shift in the BPD Morgue was turning out to be a quiet one, already too concerned with the two women involved in the day's operation to formulate much clarity of thought. Needless to say concern amped up to full-blown worry as the boots of several armed officers came thundering past her in the corridor while she was on her way to see Angela for a coffee. _They should have left hours ago; _something had to have gone wrong. Just at that moment Frost came barrelling around the corner;

"Maura!" he called, sliding to a stop in front of the blonde. "Maura, did you see Jane last night? Or this morning even?" He was breathless from his rapid jaunt down the several flights to the Station's main entrance.

"Well no Barry, why? What's wrong? Is Jane alright?" A thousand possibilities thrashed around her brain, each one more devastating than the last.

"Maura, she's disappeared. Nobody's seen her since her left here last night. We think she went off to Cranston's herself sometime early with some ammo and a vest. Caitlin went after her, the rest of us are off to catch up to them now."

Caitlin's words from the previous night rang through her head with brutal precision;

_"No, unless someone goes off half-cocked which won't happen. You have a great team at BPD. It'll be fine. I promise and I promise I'll make sure she comes back to you." _

He didn't even bother to argue with her when she stated she was going with him other than to put an arm protectively around her shoulder and to say that she was to stay in the car at all times.

**R&IR&IR&IR&IR&IR&IR&IR&IR&IR&IR&IR&IR&I**

MacKay crept forward, cringing at the occasional twig that snapped under her weight. She could make out Jane's silhouette on top of the ridge lying down facing the compound. Bad sign. If Caitlin could make out the detective with the naked eye she was more than sure that any enemy sentry could easily spot her in the sight of a rifle.

"Jane" she called in a strangled whisper, "Jane!" No use. Jane was either ignoring her for some reason or just plain couldn't hear her. "Jane, get your arse back down here now! You're jeopardising this whole op.!"

Still receiving no response MacKay edged closer, retaining a firm eye on the armed guard posted on the compound's roof. She could hear the radio crackling through her earpiece though she had kept the volume to a minimum;

_Anyone have a twenty on Rizzoli or MacKay?_

_ Yeah, I see 'em._

_ What about the Compound? Do they know something's up?_

_ Negative, I say we need to get in there now._

_ No one moves until MacKay and Rizzoli are clear, got that?_

_ Yes sir._

_ Great! This could be easier said than done!_ Caitlin grumbled inwardly then she saw it. It was subtle but the guard on the roof's body language had changed. He'd seen them. The next few moments became a blur as she launched herself forward, bombing over Jane's body as shots rang out. The agent was aware of two impacts onto her back then all hell broke loose. The radio went frantic;

_Shots fired. Move in, get going!_

_ I'm hit!_

_ Korsak, tell your guys to take the west side, there's a guard down. _

_ Where's Rizzoli and MacKay?_

_ Officer down! Officer down! I need medical assistance NOW!_

This last was Jane's. Maura, who was overwrought listening to all the chaos, felt an instant relief on hearing Jane's voice. _Jane's okay _she breathed but then…_oh no…._

Running as fast as her stilettos allowed through the pandemonium that had erupted all around she headed towards the two women. _I can be medical assistance, can't I? _When she finally got there she found Caitlin flat on her back, blood soaking her white shirt a terrifying red, her head cradled delicately in Jane's lap while she desperate tried to staunch the bleeding. Words were being exchanged but it was too soft for Maura to pick up.

"Kate, you can't die! Please don't die; she _needs _you to be okay."

"I promised her Jane, I promised her I make sure you got back to her," she began, exhaustedly trying to pry Jane's hands away from the exit wounds on her chest. "I was never meant to be here for long Jane. I got this last week with her, that's more than I ever had a right to ask for. She's ready for you now Jane, no more past. No more hurt. Now you have to make a promise to me. You promise me you look after her."

"Kate, I'm scared, what if I mess up?"

Caitlin's breath was coming in heavy gasps now;

"You will mess up. So you tell her you love her."

Jane followed the other woman's eyes trail down to the badge on her vest.

**MacKay**

"I'm sorry. God Caitlin, I'm so, so sorry!"

Caitlin just grabbed Jane's jacket lapels in a deceptively fierce grip, pulling the other woman closer;

"Don't you _dare _tell her!" her voice hoarse with and fatigue.

At Jane's puzzled look she clarified; "You can't look after her if she's mad at you can you?"

A smile crossed the woman's face then, it was almost peaceful apart from the slight tightening around her eyes. Jane wondered what she was seeing. Caitlin leaned back, her last breath a soft sigh;

"Tell her for me Jane."

Maura's scream echoed around the trees as she fell to her knees, sobs desperately trying to escape her lips but nothing was forthcoming. Jane lay MacKay's body down gently before rushing over to the blonde. There in Jane's arms something broke in Maura and she clung on for dear life as she howled, their shared tears mingling in tiny stains on Jane's shirt.

**Well folks, don't go thinking we're out of the woods yet (sorry, that wasn't meant to be even the slightest bit punny! Okay, that was a lie) but the trouble is only just beginning for Maura. I will try and update tomorrow because I'm actually off on holiday next week but Scotland are playing Argentina tomorrow so depends how engrossed I get!**

** If not, I'll make sure I get right back on it once I'm home.**

**Thanks again for all the support, it really does mean the world to me.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Author's Note; Hello all, I'm baaaaaack! Ready for this?!**

** CJUnited; Thanks for the holiday wishes, I had a very relaxing week.**

** As expected, I knew the last chapter would be a little controversial but I'm sorry some of you seem to have been a bit disappointed by it. However, I think some of your concerns can be cleared up. In the last chapter Jane wasn't trying to put anyone at risk, nor was she merely acting out of a "broken heart". If you think of it, Maura has been Jane's support system all this time, the one person Jane never thought would let her down. Now all of a sudden she witnesses that support system collapse before her very eyes. Worse still, Jane isn't in a position to angry about it so what does she do? She turns that anger inward and it spirals before she hits the self-destruct button. In that instance, not thinking straight, she needs to prove herself against Caitlin. The sting on the weapons compound was Caitlin's op, on some level Jane felt the need to get one over on the other woman, she genuinely believed that the only person she was putting at risk was herself. As for the person who thought that Jane crying over holding a dying woman in her arms was out of character I ask, would you rather Jane hadn't cried? Jane isn't a monster she is a human being who has inadvertently had a part in another human being's death, a human being her best friend loved a great deal. Why wouldn't she cry? I had hoped that came across in the reading but maybe not, feel free to put it down to bad writing on my part. **

** To one reviewer who believes I added a line in to the previous chapter to appease some angry readers, this story has been carefully planned out and I have never, nor will I ever simply add in anything to my writings to keep people happy. To suggest anything of the sort to any writer on these boards is frankly an insult to that writer's integrity but I do appreciate you taking the time to review. Let's face it; if writers bowed to public demand then Rizzles would have already been on our screens for about three years by now!**

** Now, if you're still with me the captain has switched on the seatbelt lights; please stay in your seats folks, we're about to hit some turbulence. You have been informed as to the location of your emergency exits are if you so wish. **

**On with the show;**

**Chapter Five**

** "**_Detective Rizzoli, you are hereby suspended for eighteen days pending investigation. Do you have anything to say?"_

Lieutenant Cavanaugh's words still echoed in Jane's ears even into her third beer, slumped heavily into the overstuffed cushions of her couch, feet propped up on the cluttered and stained coffee table that sat in the centre of her Living Room. Scrunched up balls of paper lay scattered across the floor; a dozen or more attempts at a letter the detective so-badly needed to send tossed aside in the frustration of not being able to find the right words.

_Maura, I don't know how to say this but…_

_ Maura, there is something I need to tell you…_

_ Maura, I did it, it was my fault…._

_ Maura, I'm sorry…._

Jane couldn't lie to Maura, not about this yet she couldn't quite bring herself to tell her the truth either. She hadn't spoken to Maura since early that morning when the doctor had wept in her arms. After the sobs had died down the ME had headed straight to the Morgue at BPD to find Caitlin only to discover the woman was nowhere to be found. Apparently the body had already been removed by a pair of black-suited agents that had arrived far too quickly for anyone's comfort level. Maura had dived upstairs and begged Cavanaugh to intervene, to find out where the men had taken her, railing at him in a most _un-Maura _like fashion. When her fuming had trailed away to exhausted whispers she had disappeared back to the Morgue and hadn't been seen for the rest of the day.

It wasn't like Jane didn't want to call her best friend; just that she didn't know what she would say if she did. She wasn't angry anymore, how could she be? Hurt? No, she felt too numb for that. How about guilt? Yes, guilty and deeply, deeply tired. She had been on-the-go at least thirty-six hours and the strain was beginning to tell, her mind playing devious tricks as her little inner voice sniped at her. Oh, if she could only close her eyes but every time she did there was blood. Blood coating her fingers, seeping into the cracks around the tiny circular scars on her palms making them stand out even more than usual. She needed to go to Maura if for no other reason than her best friend would need someone, she knew that much but she was uncertain as to the reception she'd get. She had no way of knowing how much the blonde had already heard about the incident at the compound. Sure, everything was classified but there had been too many bodies at the scene for tongues not to be wagging.

**R&IR&IR&IR&IR&IR&IR&IR&IR&IR&IR&IR&I**

The Morgue looked like a bombsite by the time Maura had left late in the afternoon. The techs in the lab next door had been too afraid of disturbing the doctor on hearing the crashing of instruments and the screeching of tables against the concrete walls and floor. Fortunately for Maura's dignity she had managed to keep the worst of her keening to within the confines of her inner sanctum. Once or twice Susie Chang had popped her head around the door, dismayed at the signs of her boss' obvious turmoil but equally seeing no real reason to intervene. No one made any remark on seeing the older woman take her leave early, her shoulders hunched and her eyes a painfully swollen red. They had all heard of course.

Clattering the front door of her Beacon Hill home shut with her hip she tossed her handbag vaguely in the direction of the couch, kicking her shoes off on her way upstairs. She stopped briefly by the bedroom doorway, the sheets still rumpled from the previous evening. She tried to think back to the last time she had risen late and left her bed unmade but she couldn't. Even with Ian and Garrett she had never been so lax in her morning routine, just Caitlin. Her mouth twisted in what was supposed to be a half smile though she suspected it probably looked more like a grimace. _I wonder what mornings would be like with Jane _but the thought was quashed as briefly as it came, perhaps more shocked at the sense of guilt that poured over her like a bucket of ice water. She passed swiftly onto the guest room. She couldn't face her own bed. Not tonight. Not the rough feel of mussed sheets that needed washing, not the scents of lovemaking that brought with them the sense of bittersweet contentment she had felt only hours earlier.

Momentarily changing her mind Maura doubled-back steeling herself she entered the room and grabbed a pillow as quickly as she could, hugging it close and lifting it to her nose, inhaling the unique aroma that was Caitlin. It hadn't changed in all these years; it was nothing like the floral perfumes that Maura chose, it was more elemental; like the fresh cold wind of a mountain top. Kate had been born in the hills, hewn out of the same solid rock of the land she grew up in. _She promised she'd take me there one day. She promised. She promised. She promised. She promised…_

She pulled open the heavy storage cupboard at the end of the hallway, there wasn't much inside. A supply of fresh towels and bed linen but underneath the piles of fabric was a large wooden casket. Setting the pillow gently on the floor beside her Maura knelt down and shifted the stacks of laundry to the side before lifting open the great chest with a heave and a magnificent creak. Inside was an assortment of photographs and mementos, many from Maura's childhood that had hardly seen the light of day since being locked carefully away. Delicately she nudged a few pictures aside, tracing certain ones lightly with a fingertip; images of her father when both he and she were much younger. _None of Mother and me, such a surprise _she snorted. After a few moments she finally found what she was looking for. It was a picture of two young women, arms wrapped around each other, crazy in love. Maura smiled, settling herself back to rest against the wooden box, the rough carpet catching the satiny material of her black skirt.

_It was winter and the pair of them had decided to spend the day away from busy London. They took a train out to Oxfordshire wrapped up in warm coats and woolly hats, intent on enjoying the snow that had fallen thickly overnight. Hand in hand they had strolled through fields turned a perfect crisp white, Caitlin poking fun and the ridiculous number of layers her sun-worshipping companion had donned when they reached an old stone bridge; surrounded by nothing but snow-dappled trees, the quiet trickle of water that was starting to turn to ice and the puffs of warm air expelled by their breathing Maura took a chance the isolation from the rest of the world making her brave; removing her fluffy gloves she turned Caitlin's freezing cheek towards her and pressed her lips tightly but lovingly to the other woman's. Their first kiss and the first time Maura had ever initiated such a contact in her life. She tried to shy away, suddenly afraid she had done something wrong but Caitlin only pulled her closer, deepening the contact for just a moment. When both women pulled back, their breaths mingling in the air between them, their eyes fixed only on each other they heard a loud click to the side of them._

_ "David!" Caitlin yelled, spotting the digital camera and automatically pulling Maura close protectively. "What the __**hell **__are you doing here?"_

_ Maura could only hide her blushes in the dark folds of Kate's coat, mortified to have been caught canoodling with her…girlfriend...by her mentor. _

_ "Relax girls," laughed the older man, wafting a leather-bound hand back and forth in the air, "I came out here for the day with my wife, there's a nice country pub just up the road and we thought a nice lunch might be in order. I'm guessing you two had the same idea. About time too, thought you pair would never get it together!" _

Maura wiped away the odd tears that had dripped onto the photograph still held lightly between her fingers. She shoved the chest and stacks of laundry hastily back, slipping the cupboard door tightly shut and with pillow hugged tightly under her arm as she ambled towards the guest room. She really couldn't be bothered undressing, opting instead to ease between the cool sheets fully-clothed save for the smart black blazer that got flung across a wicker chair that sat in the corner nearest the door. The room was already dim, the early evening sun not making it all the way through the deep purple curtains obscuring the window but Maura could still just about make out the two figures in the photograph. She stared at them, holding her eyelids open until they became just too heavy for her, falling into a heavy if fitful slumber.

**R&IR&IR&IR&IR&IR&IR&IR&IR&IR&IR&IR&I**

Sometime during the night Maura felt the bed dip beside her;

"Mmph, Caitlin?" came the strangled enquiry.

_Ssh darling. _

Maura could swear she could feel a finger tracing over her cheek. She inhaled deeply against the pillow still clutched tightly to her body.

"You really there?" her voice was childlike but she didn't care; as unscientific as it was she desperately wanted to believe the other woman was there, breathing and alive but her eyes stayed firmly shut in fear of the inevitable disappointment.

_Yes sweetheart, I'm here. I'll always be here. Whenever you need me, you call me okay?_

The blonde nodded, still not daring to look; "Will you stay with me a while?"

_Yeah darlin', long as you want._

"You promised me!" She accused sleepily, almost positive she could hear the other woman swallowing before feeling something soft brush her temple.

_I know hon. I promised you so much but I promise you we'll do everything we said we would….someday. But I know I'm going to have to wait a while. Get some rest my love and everything will be okay. _

**R&IR&IR&IR&R&IR&IR&IR&IR&IR&IR&IR&IR&I**

Maura bolted upright in bed, uncertain what had jolted her awake as she desperately gasped for breath. Almost crushed between her fingers was the photograph she had fallen asleep with. Somewhat disorientated she glanced at the clock on the bedside cabinet;

_**06:30**_

__Then she heard a sort of snuffling noise coming from downstairs. _I __**did **__lock that door behind me last night didn't I? _But she had been so shattered when she had come home that she couldn't be certain. Edging silently out of bed and creeping out onto the landing she strained to catch any noise emanating up from the floor below. _Nothing. _She was just beginning to think she had imagined it all when there it was again. It was a sort of….._**snoring?**_

She had no idea why she was tiptoeing down the stairs of her own home but relief filled her as she caught sight of a familiar pair of be-holed black socks sticking up from the arm of her couch. _Some intruder, _she thought as she sank down carefully on the fringe of the cushion, watching as her best friend twitched in her sleep, grunting occasionally as she sought out the perfect position. Eventually the detective must have become aware of the scrutiny, her eyes flickering open;

"Hey" came the sleep-gravelled tones.

"Hey yourself" floated Maura's softer smiling sound. "When did you get here?"

"Umm, around ten last night I think? I came to check on you sometime in the night, you seemed upset in your sleep so I stuck around for a few minutes then came down here and got comfy."

"You should have gone to bed Jane, this couch is far from adequate for optimum sleep comfort and…wait…you what? You….came to check on me? That was you?"

The look of heartbreak crossing Maura's features was confusing to say the least; "Yeah Maur', who'd you think it was?"

"I thought…well…I don't know." Maura didn't know what to think. It couldn't be more ludicrous but it had felt so _real. _"Thank you for being here Jane. Really, I don't know what I would do without you."

Something seemed to change in Jane then as she looked down to where her fingers picked at a loose cushion thread. "Yeah well…I mean what are friends for right? 'Course I'm here, where else would I be?"

Maura only smiled, "is it too early for breakfast?"

"No, want me to make you something?"

"No, no. Allow me. It's the least I can do. Besides, you'll be grumpy enough when you start to feel that crick in your neck later."

Jane could only stare into space as Maura wandered off to the kitchen in search of food for them both.

**R&IR&IR&IR&IR&IR&IR&IR&IR&IR&IR&IR&I**

Thankfully work remained quiet enough for Maura to bring back to order the devastation she had wreaked on her lab the day before. She had spent the afternoon rifling her way through some articles on the internet.

_Knock! Knock! _Called a familiar Bostonian voice.

"Hello Frankie, what can I do for you?" She asked, beaming brightly at the young man she had learned to consider a brother. Frankie couldn't help but glance at the page currently featured on the doctor's laptop;

"Spiritual Experiences and Life after Death? Wow, that's deep stuff Maur'"

Maura swiftly slipped the lid closed; "It's for, um, research. I'm researching the effect of death on people of varying cultures."

The younger officer did not look convinced but he was prepared to let it go. "Well, I just thought I'd look in and see how you were doing. Jane's not told me much but I know you and Caitlin were close. Heard you were pretty cut up yesterday." Frankie's brown eyes were kind as he sat himself down in the chair beside Maura's much the same way as his sister did and it warmed her.

"I'm doing okay Frankie, thank you. I won't deny that I am finding things hard right now but I have you, your sister and Angela of course. She has already made three appearances down here today to make sure I am eating properly. I will be alright again given time. Kate was very special to me but we made our peace."

Frankie nodded, unsure what to say amid the emotion of Maura's words. "That's good to hear Maura. I know Ma and I are just relieved you and Jane are still talking. Like, you're not holding what happened against her."

"What? Why would I have anything against Jane? What happened wasn't her fault." The information Maura had been given was scant at best. The entire case had been quickly hushed up as classified but in her grief Maura had never actually gotten round to asking questions either, only knowing that Jane had found herself temporarily relieved of duty.

"Well y'know, about Jane going off like that with MacKay's vest? We thought you'd be pretty mad…" but he stopped short at the look on Maura's face; "wait, nobody told you what happened? Jeez, I guess I just put my foot in it. I just thought that Jane would have said something. God, I'm sorry Maura, really, like forget I said anything, maybe Jane'll tell you about it all her way."

The young cop backed hastily out of the doctor's office as Maura's eyes turned to steel.

**Well everyone, a longer update today to make up for my weeklong absence. Once again folks, thank you all for the reviews and follows etc, your support is really what keeps this story going.**


	7. Chapter 7

**Author's Note;**

**Quick one today guys, special thanks to my two most dedicated readers Cjunited38 and CreoleGurl, you guys are the best readers I could ask for…ever! Thanks for the support. Lalalalee, I was having a really rough morning on Monday but your review put a massive grin on my face. No, seriously, big, silly, cheesy, full-on grins! Thanks also to all my new followers, hope you keep enjoying the story.**

**Slightly shorter in-between type chapter tonight guys we're starting our next build-up.**

**Chapter Six**

The incessant hammering was beginning to hurt Maura's ears as she rocked slightly on her Living Room couch, arms wrapped around knees that were drawn up tightly to her chest. A red ring pooled around a half empty bottle of wine was quickly drying into a stain on the coffee table but the blonde was too busy now clamping her hands hard against the sides of her face desperately trying to block out Jane's fraught pleas emanating from the other side of the front door.

_"Maura, will you __**please **__just open up! I know what Frankie told you and I know you're angry with me but I need to explain! I'm not leaving until you let me in!"_

_**"Maura!"**_

Inside Maura had risen and was now wearily making her way to the kitchen where long-stored bottles of harder liquor and a little bit of quiet waited. Perching gingerly on a stool by the island her hand trembled as she poured more than a tot of Vodka into a tall glass. She didn't _understand_. Suddenly the rug had been pulled out from under her and she had slipped into an almost Wonderland and like an unsuspecting Alice her world had been turned upside down. That was the worst of it. Even in the aftermath of the Warehouse incident when Maura had been at her most furious with Jane a part of her deep in her subconscious had still understood why the detective had acted the way she had. This time her over-sized brain just couldn't seem to wrap itself around what had really happened at the compound. It defied every sense of logic the young woman possessed and it just plain _hurt. _

Outside on the front porch Jane had quieted for a moment, slumping heavily against the red brick doorframe of Maura's Beacon Hill home. How many times had she just been able to waltz in unannounced knowing that she would find a little peace and warmth within those walls? But now the door was locked and the windows shuttered.

"Oh Janie, what have done this time?" Angela's hushed plaintive tones eased out from the shadows as she stepped towards the edge of the small sphere of illumination provided by the house's security lamp, approaching slowly, almost timidly as though her daughter was some sort of wildcat but instead of lashing out Jane only lifted her chin, returning her mother's sad eyes forlornly. Angela tucked herself in to the younger woman's side and slid a motherly arm across her shoulders as Jane proceeded to explain everything that had happened over the last couple of weeks.

"I don't know what to do Ma" she cried when she had finished her story.

Angela only continued to stroke the brunette's far shoulder; "I don't know honey. You really screwed up this time Janie. I mean, I guess I understand it but….maybe you just need to give her some space this time. I don't think battering her door in the middle of the night is going to work. C'mon, you're gonna come back to my place and get some rest. You can always try again tomorrow. Come on." She sat up stiffly, the cold Bostonian night air doing nothing for her aging bones, reaching down a hand to help her daughter up.

**R&IR&IR&IR&IR&IR&IR&IR&IR&IR&IR&IR&I**

It was with a heavy head that Maura had entered the Morgue the following morning, not quite as bright-eyed and bushy-tailed as she normally preferred. She had been relieved to catch the sound of retreating footsteps shuffling past the kitchen window the previous night but it was already too late to prevent her working towards the hangover of a century. After growing bored of the neutral-tasting vodka she had gone foraging through her cupboards and had happened upon a very fine, very _expensive _bottle of malt whiskey that had been a gift she had received the previous year at a conference. The harsh viscous liquid had provided exactly the burn she needed but the more she drank the more accustomed to the sensation she became. So then in typical drunken logic she drank more. She had briefly considered heading out to a bar, perhaps to the _Robber _but quickly reneged on that. The bar was still primarily Jane's hangout and even in her inebriated state she could not bring herself to play those types of games. She told herself it was only because she refused to stoop to such a level but the truth was she couldn't bear the looks and whispered conversations that would no-doubt be directed her way, she still had to be able to face these people at work if only in limited amounts.

The groan that issued forth from her mouth as her head collided with the desk in front of her was not entirely human. Her phone was buzzing at her _again. _She lifted it nervously, expecting it to be yet another text from an anxious Jane but thankfully this time it was Dispatch, she was needed on a scene. Dragging herself up she padded over to the coat rack, picking up her jacket and bag she headed upstairs. Unfortunately she'd have to ask Frost and Korsak for a ride having left her Prius at home fearing she was still over the limit. The one saving grace was that Jane was still on suspension. She knew all too well that she'd have to face the brunette detective again sooner or later but later would suit her just fine for now.

**R&IR&IR&IR&IR&IR&IR&IR&IR&IR&I**

It was very early in the morning a few days later and Maura was finally rolling home after another late night but, still dark enough that she got a fright when a figure moved in the darkness as she fiddled with her keys, missing the lock.

"Jane! What do you think you're doing!?"

The detective thought she could detect a slight slur in the doctor's speech but thought it would be less than prudent to mention it. "I was waiting for you, just like I've been waiting for you the last few nights."

The slight presumptuous tone that Maura was convinced she'd heard behind Jane's words only served to irk the blonde's already fragile temper. "I don't recall ever needing your permission to go out Jane."

"No, Maura, I just meant that…y'know I'm not going anywhere. I mean, I'm gonna be here when you're ready."

"Well I don't need you to be here for me Jane! I am entitled to my own life!" her voice stony in the cool pre-dawn air.

"Oh and is that what you're doing Maura? Living? I know where you've been going, those seedy dive bars."

Maura was incredulous; "You're keeping tabs on me now? Tell me Jane, what has it got to do with you anyway? Haven't you done enough damage?"

"Maura this isn't healthy and it isn't you-"but she was stopped with a firm hand that shot up in the space between them.

"I don't need your opinion Jane and I don't need you in my life right now. Don't you dare ever presume to tell me who or what I am. I'm not shutting the door on you Jane but I won't be running back into your arms either. Goodnight Jane."

And with that Jane found herself back where she had started; staring at a closed door.

**Don't worry folks, we will get there, I promise! More action-filled chapter in the next update!**


	8. Chapter 8

**Author's note; Hello everyone! Longer update today, remember when I said there were two chapters that made me want to write this story? Well, here is the second one, it means a lot to me personally and I really hope you enjoy it. Are we all sitting comfortably? Perfect, then with no more ado;**

**Chapter Seven**

She couldn't believe it. Just couldn't believe it! After all these years _Maura Isles_ had _finally _been _tossed _out of a _bar_! Yes, she was annoyed at the sheer gall of the bar staff when they had refused her any more alcohol not to mention the way that horrid security guard with those awful gold teeth had grabbed her, unceremoniously ejecting her out onto the street. Wearing only a slightly skimpy dress she wrapped her arms tightly around her midriff, futilely attempting to stave off the icy wind that had whipped up in the hours since she had first entered the somewhat sleazy bar with its sticky floors and dim lighting. With no idea where else to go at nearly two o'clock in the morning but also knowing she was far from ready to face her empty lonely house her fuzzy mind locked onto the tall building dead ahead wondering what it would be like to be up so high. It looked like an old hotel but judging by the now defunct sign that jutted rudely up into the air from the roof the whole complex appeared long-since abandoned. Slowly with head into the wind the good doctor wobbled forwards completely unaware of the scrutiny that followed on behind her.

Reaching the wrought iron staircase that dangled precariously down the side of the off-white painted building she grabbed onto the nearest bit of railing and hefted herself upwards; a wine bottle still clutched firmly in her other hand. The rickety old steps shook and rattled loudly, giving great groans of protestation at the sudden and unwelcome burden. After about half an hour of slow tottering ascension Maura finally reached the top ledge of the structure, pressing her forearms down heavily on the cool stone and dragging herself into a sitting position. She stared bleakly out over the Boston skyline; unbidden dampness caressing the corners of her eyes Maura was more than content to sink into a numbness that continued to elude her during her daytime sobriety not hearing the footsteps that crunched lightly through the rooftop rubble.

**R&IR&IR&IR&IR&IR&IR&IR&IR&IR&IR&IR&IR&IR&I**

"Well this was definitely not the plan!" a voice sighed from behind.

"What are _you_ doing here?" Maura tossed over her shoulder, voice full of disdain.

"Pfft, you called me remember?" Caitlin uttered as she dropped down heavily on the stone ledge next to Maura "and here I am, just like I promised!"

"That was a moment of pure weakness; I never believed you would actually show up. So are you really here or are you merely a result of too much of this?" She asked, wafting the half-empty bottle in the air.

Caitlin grabbed the bottle out of the other woman's hand, spinning it lightly so she could read the label "_Very nice" _she muttered before tossing the bottle over the edge, watching it hurtle the few hundred feet towards the ground below. "Well, it's a wee bit of both. I'm always here, that stuff just allows you to switch off that big brain of yours enough to see me. In fact, I've spent more time here with you than I have over there." She added, jabbing a thumb over her shoulder.

Maura stared ahead blankly; "I'm not sure I understand."

Caitlin nodded; "Remember the other night when you went for that soak in the bath? You cried so much and then thought about how easy it would be to just let yourself sink down into that hot water, it felt so warm and comforting. Then you decided you were being completely irrational and dived straight into bed instead. The _guest _bed again I might add." Maura blushed at the memory; "Yeah, I was there." She added sagely. "Y'know, people think that _Heaven _or the _afterlife _orwhatever you want to call it, is away up the there somewhere;" she explained, pointing a shapely finger up to the stars, "but the truth is it's more like just a little step to the side. I haven't gone far Maura and I meant what I said the other night; if you need me you call me. You might not always see me but…"

"How am I supposed to believe that? How am I supposed to believe that this isn't just some elaborate intoxicative hallucination of my own mind's making? Apart from anything else you left me! Twice! Clearly I'm not worth sticking around for!"

"Ah, ever the scientist! _Doctor Isles_ needs proof. She can't just believe in something, there is _always _a rational, logical explanation. X + Y = Z, isn't that how the world works? But then that's the real problem here isn't it? Maura Isles doesn't understand." Caitlin's voice was almost mocking and it was irksome. Maura Isles was a certified genius after all; she was sure as hell not going to be talked down to by a damned trick of her own alcohol-addled mind!

"I don't know what you're talking about! My best friend, the woman I _thought _I was in love with lied to me, don't you get that? What isn't there to understand?"

"Oh I get it but don't you go laying that at Jane's door. _I _told Jane not to tell you what happened that day because I knew what your reaction would be although granted I wasn't expecting this.But this isn't about Jane at all and you know it. This is about you and the relief you felt when you saw that Jane was alright and then the guilt you felt when it hit home that she was okay because I wasn't. Then you felt confused because you realised in that moment that you would never be able to make a choice between the two of us and then even guiltier in the next moment when you realised that you knew _exactly _who you would choose. The same one you would choose time and time again and you're angry with her for that. You're angry with her for making you _love _her but darling, you _have _to move on from this. I was only sent back here in the first place to get you to open up that wonderful heart of yours again."

"What do you mean?" Maura asked shakily as her body trembled in the cold. Caitlin slid her heavy black coat across the doctor's shoulders, smiling enigmatically;

"Everything happens for a reason sweetheart." Caitlin pulled the other woman snugly beside her so that the blonde's head was resting on her chest. "I know you're scared of being hurt again, the way that I hurt you all those years ago but you know, you really do get a great view from over this side and I have seen such wonderful things ahead for you Maura. You'll have your hard times, yes but you will have someone who loves you, someone who can give you the world but you have to let her."

Maura swallowed hard against the choking lump that had formed in the middle of her throat. "How do I make things right?"

"You'll know." Caitlin replied kissing the crown of the blonde head nestled under neck, squeezing tight around her shoulders.

Maura's voice was as soft as Caitlin had ever heard it, almost childlike as she buried her face as close to the other woman's chest as she could; "Will I ever get to see you again?"

Now it was Caitlin's turn to swallow, smiling uncertainly atop soft blonde hair. "One day, yes, our paths will cross again but not for a very, very long time. Tonight was a one-off, I'm afraid; they won't be letting me do this again. I'm just going to have to wait for you."

"I don't believe in any of that. It is unscientific nonsense" she dismissed, suddenly wondering why she was persisting in talking to this…this…_fantasy._

"And yet I'm still here." Grinning the other woman teasingly. "Maur', science is a wonderful thing; it helps us make sense of the world around us and keeps geniuses like you in a job! But you are more than just your brain. There is a beauty in life that science can't explain. You have a great faith in humanity, whether you acknowledge that or not. It's what gives you that warmth, the need to help people, the urge to see the good in everyone especially when most people only see a lost cause and best of all you are lucky enough to have someone in your life who shares those values."

"What if I can't find that faith again?" The doctor countered forlornly.

"You will. That drive to save the world is still there my darling. Just one of the many things I always loved about you. You know you were the best thing that ever happened to me Maura Isles. The time I spent with you, loving you, being your lover was the happiest of my life. It's the one thing I get to take with me."

"Fiancée" Maura corrected gently, remembering their last night together. Caitlin tilted the other woman's face up to look deeply into green/hazel eyes.

"Yes darling. For a few wonderful, magical hours I was your fiancée. Now go get your girl." She whispered.

The contact that followed was just the barest brushing of lips but afterward Maura felt clearer-headed and more at peace than she had in weeks.

**R&IR&IR&IR&IR&IR&IR&I&IR&IR&IR&IR&IR&I**

That was how Jane found her as she crept forward from the silhouette of the large hotel sign with its cracked light bulbs and rusty metal; face tilted upwards into space, lips slightly parted with her eyes softly closed. She was _beautiful._

"Maur'? Are you okay?"

Maura's head snapped around. "Jane! How long have you been standing there?"

"Umm, not long, just a minute or two." Replied Jane, her scarred hands shoved deep into her jeans pockets.

"Oh…" blonde eyebrows knitted together; "how did you know how to find me?"

"I didn't. Martinez was in that bar you got yourself tossed out of and I guess he must have watched where you went. He thought someone should probably go after you and called me."

Maura sighed, allowing her head to drop losing the willpower to hide from her face all the strain of the last fortnight. "Jane, I know we have a lot to talk about. There are things I need to ask you and there are things you deserve to know but…can you…can you just take me home? Please?"

Jane fought hard to keep a smile from breaking out across her lips; "yeah Maur', I can do that. C'mon." She reached out an arm, immediately wrapping it firmly around Maura's shoulders as soon as she was near enough, refusing to let her go now that she had the other woman close.

**R&IR&IR&IR&IR&IR&IR&IR&IR&IR&IR&IR&IR&I**

Jane stood over a prone Maura who had finally agreed to sleep in her own bed again. Jane still didn't understand everything that had happened with her friend lately but somehow she had a feeling for the first time in long while that everything would turn out okay. Unbeknownst to her two other figures stood deep in the shadows at the other end of the room.

"Little bit elaborate for my liking but you did good kid." said the taller figure, slapping a hand to Caitlin's shoulder.

Caitlin had no pretences now that she was out of Maura's sight. The dam broke and tears flowed freely down her cheeks. It wasn't supposed to work like that, all the hurt, the pain was supposed to go away when you got bumped off. She didn't know what hurt more, the fact that she was deliberately forcing herself to let go of the only other person she had ever cared about to go be happy with someone else or the fact that she had had to lie to her. She wouldn't be staying close to Maura. In reality she had many long roads to travel and more good to do in the world. In truth, it would be a very long time until she ever had the chance to look upon that beautiful face again. It had been hard to walk away ten years ago, now the pain of it cut deep into her soul.

"You know time has no relevance over here."

_Of course he knew what she was thinking_; for the first time she had no secrets, it was freeing in a way but it still went against everything she had known for so many years, she had led a whole life in secrets.

"Will she be happy?"

"She will, eventually. She'll get on with her life with Jane and you'll become the past once more. Now it is time for _you _to move on." His answer may have felt a little blunt in its delivery but in a strange way she preferred his manner to some of the other potential partners she could have teamed up with. It reminded her more of the military colleagues she had spent most of her life with, direct and to the point.

"Just give me a few more minutes, I'll catch you up."

"You have a job to do; there are other people in this world who need your help besides Maura."

She smiled; "well if time has no meaning over here then another few moments won't make any difference will they?"

He grinned at her before taking his leave; "now you're catching on kid!"

Caitlin continued to stare at the beautiful woman who lay before her, a million thoughts racing through her mind. What ifs and what should have been but it was all so late. It was time she followed her own advice and let go but she could still not bring herself to say 'goodbye'. Glancing up at Jane, the one she was entrusting the wellbeing of this beautiful woman to she gave a nod of respect before retreating back into the shadows. One day.

**R&IR&IR&IR&IR&IR&IR&IR&IR&IR&IR&IR&IR&IR&I**

Maura opened her eyes groggily, sleepily taking in her surroundings. She was still in her dress from the night before but her shoes had been placed neatly back on their rack. She could barely remember getting home.

"Jane!" she shot up in bed, instantly regretting it as her hand slapped hard across her forehead, a groan issuing loudly from her mouth at the pounding that seemed intent on smashing her head open from the inside out. She was more than a little surprised to feel the mattress dip at the side of her. Jane had risen at Maura's cry from the wicker chair that sat directly opposite the bed under large windows where voile panels flowed gracefully in a fresh breeze, the sunlight of a new day streaming into every corner of the room.

"Maura, are you alright? Hey, look at me" she entreated as she eased the blonde's fingers down from her eyes, a tad on the pink side.

She nodded, taking deep breaths to fight the nausea that was rising quickly within a very empty stomach. "I'm alright. I'm glad you're here." She blushed, biting her bottom lip nervously.

"I know we need to have that talk Maur' but I wanted to stay with you. Just, y'know, so you didn't have to wake up alone. You seemed pretty upset last night. I mean, of course you're upset and that's partly, well, really all my fault but I wanted…and…I…"

"Shush!" Maura placed one delicate finger over Jane's lips. "Usually I'm the one who is accused of babbling. Yes, we very much need to clear the air between us but right now I need my best friend."

"She's here Maur' and she's not going anywhere, I promise."

"Good." And suddenly no more conversation was necessary. Maura had no idea why she had been so worried about trying to make things right again, they had reached a sort of understanding with barely saying a word. In that brief moment of shared hurt something in their connection deepened.

The moment was quickly broken however when Maura's stomach gave an uncharacteristically loud grumble making Jane give a great bark of laughter;

"Umm, Maura, I think I'm gonna go get us some breakfast, what d'ya say?"

"I say that would be wonderful Jane, thank you."

Jane eased off the bed as Maura gingerly swung her legs up and across, not quite ready to rely on her tenuous grip on gravity. The brunette lifted the heavy black coat that Maura had been wearing when she collected her from the roof of that hotel, finding a hanger for it. She still had no idea what had made the woman go up there in the first place but she supposed it was another of those things they'd get around to at some point.

"Hey Maur? Where'd you get this jacket? I don't remember it."

But Maura couldn't answer, the world quickly faded away into blackness along with the little bit of colour she had had in her face as she fell backwards onto the bed.

**Thanks for reading; I've been waiting nearly a month to write that chapter! We're not quite done yet, still maybe another two or three chapters to go, I have one final twist up my sleeve. Thanks again for all your reviews and follows, you amazingly wonderful people!**


	9. Chapter 9

**Author's Note; Just a quick one to say thank you again so much for the support guys and a specific message for one person in particular. Creole, whenever anyone puts any of their creations out into the world they want to touch people in whatever small way they can, even through something like fan fiction. I am so happy you found something for yourself in that last chapter, your review really meant a lot to me, I thank you in return. This chapter hasn't actually been planned other than what the end result will be so I suppose you could say I'm writing freestyle, let's see what you think!**

**Chapter Eight**

Words of worry were desperately trying to drag her back to reality but the darkness was just far too comforting like a giant velvet cloak that she could just wrap herself up in. Here, in this space there was no hurt, no sense of betrayal…no guilt. She was content here. In times past when she had fainted Maura had found the blackness oppressive and suffocating, clawing her way back to waking world as surely as if she were clinging to a sheer precipice, desperately grasping at the dry dirt under her hands that pulled at the skin under her fingernails all the while wondering at the relief that could perhaps be found if only she just gave in and let herself fall into the nothingness far below. It was liberating in some way to let go of that ledge. Maura was perfectly aware of course that all of this was occurring purely within the confines of her own mind but suddenly she wasn't afraid anymore. This place that had always terrified her, haunting her in her dreams and the occasional blackouts when she went vasovagal now contained nothing more than a warm stillness. She had let go. She had let go and it was wonderful. She was cognizant of the fact that Jane's tone was becoming more and more frantic from somewhere up above the longer she stayed but she yearned for just a few more moments. Another minute or two of this quiet rest before life could hit her over the head again with its giant sledgehammer. The concept of fate was naturally an inherently flawed notion and never had she believed in a great creator of any kind but as ridiculous as it was she did feel as though life was punishing her in some way or had she merely been punishing herself and by extension those around her? It hurt her in the most profound way that she may have caused Jane pain, sweet, loyal, kind and patient Jane. It was that thought and that thought alone that shoved her abruptly back into wakefulness with a jolt, shooting up in bed once again with a gasp, feeling as though all the air had been suddenly forced from her lungs.

"Jane!" She cried, pressing a hand to her chest as she fought for breath, rapidly trying to regain her bearings but the other woman was already at her side, rubbing her back in silent concern.

"Hey, Maur', you're alright, you just fainted for a minute there, take it easy. Deep breaths…" Jane's voice had always had a soothing quality to it; the doctor frequently found that just a word or two from the brunette detective had been more than enough to calm her during their many anxious moments.

Gradually Maura's breathing eased, her lungs no longer feeling so constricted, nodding that she was alright, still unsure of her ability to form a coherent sentence. Jane placed a light kiss on the blonde's temple as she waited patiently for the remainder of Maura's anxiety to ease. "You kinda scared me y'know. What happened there?" She murmured, stroking back a few strands of silken honey from her friend's face. Maura shook her head uncertainly. She knew fine and well what had made her faint; she just didn't know how to explain it. How could she when she didn't understand it herself?

"I, I don't really know. I mean, I can't explain. It is entirely possible that I am anxious beyond acceptable levels, it is equally possible that I am simply dehydrated from my alcohol intake last night." She hoped that would be enough of a reassuring and _Maura-like _response for Jane to accept. Over the years the young doctor had become highly adept at living with her inability to lie. If she could not tell an untruth out loud then she would simply bend the facts to suit her within the limits of accuracy. She could tell by the look of consternation that briefly flashed across Jane's olive-tinted features that the detective was not altogether convinced. The brunette was fully conversant with Maura's skills at truth-dodging, she had utilised them on many occasions for the good of the department before, but she seemed willing to accept it at least for the moment.

"How about that breakfast?" She asked with an almost forced cheer. "In fact, how about you and me spend the day together, just the two of us? We can catch up."

"Catch up what?" inquired Maura, a little too innocently and Jane was gratified beyond measure to find the little hints of humour crinkling at the corners of the blonde woman's eyes.

"Umm….a train? A plane? An…automobile?" She played along, "take your pick Maur'"

Maura matched Jane's grin; "Why don't we have our breakfast first and see where we go from there."

**R&IR&IR&IR&IR&IR&IR&IR&IR&IR&IR&I&I**

Maura couldn't help but feel a little downhearted as she headed towards her office in the basement of the Boston Police Department the following day. Jane was still on suspension pending investigation so it would likely be another quiet day of sifting through reports barring any new cases. The truth was they still had not had the talk that they had both silently acknowledged would be necessary for their friendship to move on but it had been wonderful to simply spend the day enjoying each other's company. With a sigh Maura flipped open the first file on top of the small pile resting atop her desk. Her recent alcohol-fuelled shenanigans had rendered her uncharacteristically inefficient and that of course would simply not do any longer. She hoped that her drunken escapades would have exorcized her lingering demons but something still nagged at her loudly at the back of her mind. The trouble was, she didn't know who to talk to. The majority of her contacts were scientists like herself who would more than likely just write out a prescription for her if she tried to confide her worries to one of them. She wasn't religious and had no deep sense of faith so there was little point in speaking to a minister or priest who would almost certainly brand her some sort of heretic and send her fleeing from a lit stake. Her acquaintances among the detectives of BPD would surely only laugh at her as they had many times in the past, usually when Jane hadn't been around to silence them with a threat. She had tried googling for answers but nothing seemed to fit. Just at that moment a tap on the door interrupted her increasingly jumbled musings. Yes, Maura Isles _did _like rational logic.

"Come in" she called absently. Whoever she may or may not have been expecting it was certainly not the familiar and motherly features of Angela that appeared from behind the door. "Angela!" She greeted warmly, "well, this is a wonderful surprise" she cried, a genuine smile gracing her elegant lips.

"Well, I didn't know what you'd think if I came down here before but I just had to come down here and see how you were doing. Oh, honey, I'm so happy you and my Janie have sorted things out again!" The older woman gushed, pressing her fingers tightly together in front of her face in an almost prayer position.

Maura felt the undeniable heat of a blush creeping its way up towards her cheeks as she bent her head once more towards her desk; "Well, Angela, I wouldn't say we have 'sorted everything out' but we are on the mend yes."

"But you're talking, that's gotta be a start at least."

"Yes" noted Maura distantly as an idea struck her. _No, I couldn't. _But the words were out of her mouth before her internal debate had even finish, _how rude! _"Angela, can I ask you something?" she tried tentatively, motioning to the chair across from her.

"Of course sweetie, anything." She replied readily, easing into the proffered chair, closing the door behind her.

Maura swallowed a little nervously; "You are Catholic Angela, what are your thoughts on spiritual experiences?"

Now it appeared it was Angela's turn to face the unexpected. Of all the questions Maura could have flung at her this would likely have been the matriarch's furthest guess. "I was brought up in the church, yes. Umm, I believe that sometimes things happen that have no explanation. Maura, you're a scientist, I thought you didn't believe in anything like that? Has something happened?"

Maura stretched her arms, sliding her clasped hands down to her knees, arching her back as she steeled herself for what was likely to be a very long conversation; "Angela, I can't talk to Jane about this, I don't think she'd understand but I think perhaps you may be able to help me. You are correct, something has happened but I do not truly understand it all."

Angela's gaze was intent but kind, the young woman's distress self-evident. She reached across, placing her slightly rougher hand atop Maura's that remained on her knee, bending to make eye contact. "It's okay honey, whatever it is you can tell me. Just go slowly."

It was with delicate precision that Maura told Angela of all that had occurred both during and after her rooftop adventure, right up to point where she passed out when Jane had lifted Caitlin's heavy black coat into the her built-in closet, her "proof". Angela listened carefully and attentively, nodding her and there or offering am encouraging smile when the younger woman faltered. By the time she finished the woman Maura had come to think of as a second, _or third _mother was grinning. "Maura, my darling what a wonderful experience!"

Maura raised her eyes, meeting the other woman unsteadily, moisture beginning to seep at the corners. "Angela, how can this be wonderful?! It goes against everything I have ever believed in! My entire life has been devoted to scientific research and the study of rationale. _Hypothesis, Experiment and Conclusion! _In which case either my intoxicated mind came up with this scenario for a reason best known unto itself or I am slowly going insane!" Maura's voice was verging on the hysterical. Angela spread her fingers and pressed them down in a sort of dampening motion.

"Shush Maura! Do you know how many people would give everything they have for what you experienced? You have been given a tremendous gift. Why waste time analysing it? Besides, didn't you say yourself you never had a jacket like that but Caitlin did? Why is this so hard to accept?"

"Because it wasn't _real _Angela, how could it be?"

"Maura, how _couldn't _it be?"

**R&IR&IR&IR&IR&IR&IR&IR&IR&IR&I**

That evening Maura flopped under the covers with a heavy sigh, grateful that she would not be waking up with a hangover in the morning. In truth her mind was whirring away quite successfully under its own steam. She had somehow convinced Frost to obtain footage from the seedy dive bar that she had been flung out of on the night in question. There was definitely no sign of a heavy black winter coat. Could she really bring herself to accept the unacceptable?

**Not the longest chapter I know but I wanted to get this out there as I've got a bit of a busy spell coming up. Let me know your thoughts guys! Goodnight all! :-D**


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